


Flock Together

by kribban



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Alien Gender/Sexuality, Alien Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Break Up, Developing Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, McChekov is Endgame, Sadism, Sexual Incompatibility, Shore Leave, Slow Burn, away mission
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-05
Updated: 2019-05-11
Packaged: 2019-10-23 01:04:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 28,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17673458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kribban/pseuds/kribban
Summary: McCoy and Chekov are madly in love. There's just one tiny little problem: McCoy is a sadist and Chekov isn't a masochist.





	1. Chapter 1

Leonard was going to lose his hearing if the Red Alert didn't end soon. Phaser fire echoed in the hallway, a security detail ran past the open door and the artery he was holding almost slipped from between his thumb and forefinger.

”Get me the damn tray!” 

A pair of boots appeared on the outskirts of his field of vision and the surgical tray was placed by his right hand. It took only a few seconds to seal the broken ends of the artery and it held when he let go of it. He found the right tool without looking and it nearly slipped out of his grip. 

”Doctor, can he be moved?” 

”I've got his blood up to my elbows, what do you think? You don't have to whisper, Lieutenant. They know we're in here.”

”Sorry,” Chekov whispered again. ”I'll cover you.” 

Leonard began repairing the worst of the injuries and didn't take his eyes off the patient even as he heard a table being flipped and dragged and he heard the sound of Chekov's steady phaser fire. 

 

 _Later_

His forearms were scrubbed raw. Crewman Taikon was going to be just fine and Leonard's hands shook as he poured himself a drink. Adrenaline was a fantastic surgical aid, but coming down from it was a son of a bitch. 

”Criminals. Fucking space pirates!”

Chekov wiped his hands on a surgical wipe and shrugged. It had been hours since their invaders had been rounded up and the kid was still here cleaning. 

”It is better than military aggression, yes? I don't know about you, Doctor, but I for one am glad we will not be going to war.”

Leonard grumbled and folded. ”Drink?” 

”Yes, please.” 

The booze was already raising Leonard's spirits and not even the kid's bright grin could make it worse. He got another tumbler from his cupboard and served them both. 

”There you go. Real bourbon in a real glass.”

”Glass is glass. It is funny how you put so much emphasis on whether or not something is synthesized when the atomic structure is exactly the same.” 

”Funny?”

”Noteworthy. Peculiar. You are very old-fashioned.” Chekov shrugged and took a sip. ”This is nice.”

Leonard's jaw clenched and he thought about how Taikon would be dead if it weren't for good old-fashioned medicine. Then he thought about how they'd both be dead if it weren't for Chekov's marksmanship and bravery. 

”Gotta say, you really came through today, Lieutenant.” He raised his glass and hoped it would be enough to express his gratitude. ”You saved my life.” 

He threw his shot back and when he opened his eyes again Chekov had a look on his face that could sweeten a whole pitcher of ice tea. 

”My friends call me Pasha.”

 

_Later_

”It is hyperbole. You cannot possibly have suffered as much as you claim.”

Leonard worked himself down Chekov's legs with steady, circular movements. ”Oh, I suffered alright. Two hours of listening to people I've never heard of talk about things I can't possibly begin to understand, and then coughing down that horrible wine while you were making small talk.” 

He added another dollop of sunscreen to his palm and continued the work of making his boyfriend beach-ready. 

Chekov sighed and lay his head back down in the crook of his own arm. ”In that case I am grateful you suffered for me, Leo. But as I rewarded you properly I cannot feel too guilty about it.” 

”Oh, I liked the reward.” Leonard's hands had wandered back up to Chekov's firm, muscular ass and he felt younger and emboldened by the memory. He tapped the left buttock lightly and held his breath. 

”Are you so upset you wish to punish me, Leo?” 

Chekov was looking at him and Leonard brought his hand down again. 

”Maybe a little bit.” He kept his tone light and smiled, waiting for a flinch, or a shove, or for those beautiful eyes to darken. None of those things happened, and he doled out a few more slaps that weren't hard enough to actually sting. 

Chekov stopped the proceedings by rolling over onto his back with a groan. ”If you're not ready to go again, Leo, you shouldn't get me excited. It isn't very nice.”

Part of Leonard felt like jumping up and down while the rest of him was trying not to get his hopes up. ”I know, sweetheart. Let me give you a blowjob and then we'll go swimming, all right?” 

The offer was eagerly accepted and as he gently sucked the tip of Chekov's cock his mind was already a little more organized.

He would go slowly, ease his boyfriend into it and be ready to pull when he was asked for more. There was not a doubt in his mind that it would happen. There was already so much trust between them. Another couple of months, and there wouldn't be a limit to how far they'd be able to go. 

 

_Later_

Leonard was definitely starting to enjoy himself. He brought the strap down one last time and took a moment to admire the picture. 

Red marks blossomed all the way down from Pasha's broad shoulders, avoiding his kidneys, and ending in an ample bouquet on his beautiful ass. The bruises would expand and darken overnight and Leonard was going to get hard just by looking at them. Somehow that didn't seem fair, that he was the only one who would be able to see any of it without using a mirror. 

”Turn around, kid.” Leonard dragged the strap gently across the soles of Chekov's feet to heighten the emotion. ”I'm going to hit you on your thighs now.” 

Chekov started an awkward turn on hands and knees, and Leonard laughed and found a lock of hair to tug. 

”On your _back_ , sweetheart.”

”Sorry, sir.” Chekov winced as he eased himself down, and Leonard was just about to make a smart-ass comment about it when his eyes fell on Chekov's limp cock. 

It had been rock hard when they were making out, and Chekov had been eager and noisy and hadn't looked like he was bracing himself for something bad. 

 

_Later_

Leonard refused to talk about it until they were showered and dressed. He refused to talk about it until he had healed the bruises with a dermal regenerator. Until Chekov had finished his water and sandwich. 

 

_Later_

”You are, as they say, making a mountain out of a molehill, I am not unaccustomed to pain, Leo. You know this.”

”It's not supposed to be anywhere near the same thing,” Leonard muttered and buried his head in his hands. He wanted to pull the hairs out by the root, one by one, and then go cry in the shower with a bottle of Maker's Mark. ”I thought you were trying to impress me; show me you could take it without flinching. I should have realized you were just being stoic.”

”Stoicism tends to be a helpful tool, yes,” Chekov said exasperatedly, his words more carefully pronounced with every sentence he spoke. ”The worst pain I have ever felt was when I broke my arm, which you told me I handled like a champion. It taught me that I am tough enough to endure a very difficult thing if I only focus, and it was a thousand times more painful than tonight.” 

This was, by far, the least sexy conversation Leonard had ever had with someone he had it this bad for. ”I don't want you to grit and bear it, damnit.” 

”I will not grit. Please, it will be fine,” Chekov said pleadingly, reaching across the small table to take Leonard's hand. ”How can I deny you this? You told me, since you were a young man you have wanted to make people hurt. It is part of who you are, and I love who you are, Leo.”

Leonard could almost see himself giving in. Almost. ”I enjoy hurting people who _enjoy_ being hurt. That's an important part of the equation, don't you think?”

”Perhaps it was the newness of the situation,” Chekov offered hopefully. ”When we do it again, I will know what to expect, and, yes, I will find pleasure in it. I am very adaptable.” 

”Sweetheart,” Leonard ran his thumb over the back of Chekov's hand only once before letting go. ”That scene was foreplay for me. I'm used to playing rougher. A lot rougher.” 

It was so quiet that the soft vibrations from the hull of the ship sounded like thunder.

”Oh. Then maybe...” Chekov closed his eyes and when he looked at Leonard again his gaze was steady and his back was straighter. 

Leonard tried to be grateful that he had gotten the chance to love this beautiful man at all.


	2. Chapter 2

The breeze made summers in San Francisco bearable – if you were outdoors. There was a direct correlation between the quality of your air conditioning unit and how much time you could stand to spend in your own apartment. For an establishment such as this one, seclusion was obviously a greater priority than comfort. 

Leonard was sweating through his undershirt, from the warm air and exertion both, but he didn't mind one bit. The heat felt like home, like honest, hard work and simplicity. He screwed the cap back on his water bottle and set it down next to the other ones. 

”Break time's over. How 'bout you give me a report, huh?”

The guy in front of him was in his Toxicology class, but his name escaped Leonard at present. Not that he would ever ask, after this. He wasn't really Leonard's type, body wise, but he sure knew how to suffer well. 

”It's... Uh, it really hurts, Sir.” 

”Mmm, that's the general idea.” Leonard took his time tightening the nipple clamps before scraping his nail softly over one of the rectangular strips attached to the poor man's chest. A small power source was generating something similar to an electrical current that could be dialed up or down seamlessly. His own home-build. It was perfectly safe for the wearer, but the possibilities for pain were infinite – if you had the remote control. 

”You haven't screamed for me yet, but the night is young. I really want to make it worse for you.” He leaned in to whisper. ”A _lot_ worse.” 

Toxicology-guy made a noise in the back of his throat that told Leonard he wasn't the only one close to coming in his pants. He whimpered and gave Leonard a look of fear and desperate, urgent need. 

”God, yes! Please, sir. _Please._ ”

Leonard reached for the remote and let out a heavy sigh. ”You don't have to be here, you know.” 

”I do, ” Chekov was standing by the window, his uniform shirt gleaming gold in the moonlight. ”I have to see with my own eyes what a monster you really are.”

The window disappeared but he was still illuminated, bright like a beacon while the rest of the room slipped into darkness. 

Leonard couldn't take his eyes off of him. He hated himself for it. 

”You're no part of this, Lieutenant. I didn't even know you back then!” 

”Of course I am part of this.” Chekov sounded hurt. ”How can I not be when I let you touch me? When I let you fuck me?” His lips curled and he shook his head. ”You are even worse man than I imagined, Doctor.”

”Wait, I – ” Leonard took a step but faltered and fell. He was still falling when the alarm woke him. 

 

”Bones, you have a minute?” Jim said as the other officers filed out of his ready room. ”And shut the door will you?” 

Leonard had a sinking feeling in his gut that only got worse from seeing the expression on Jim's face. Things had been going so well today. Chekov hadn't looked at him, had been curt and professional when Leonard asked him a direct question, and none of it had hurt one goddamn bit. 

Jim was still standing behind the conference table, his arms hanging awkwardly by his sides. He looked more like Leonard's old roommate than the Captain of a starship. 

”Listen, uh... I thought I should tell you I approved Lieutenant Chekov's request for a new primary care physician.”

”Uh-huh.” 

”I trust that the two of you will act professionally.” Jim lifted his chin and rubbed his hands together like he had just realized he still had them. ”I'm sure this must be very difficult f–.”

”Am I dismissed?” Leonard would rather fly through an ion storm with a 22nd-century shuttle than continue this conversation. ”That medicine's not going to synthesize itself.” 

”Bones, I'm sorry,” Jim sighed. ”I just wanted to tell you I'm sorry.” 

”Not my first rodeo,” Leonard said as nonchalantly as he could, but by the pitying look Jim gave him he wasn't all that convincing.

 

He worked for nineteen hours straight, but in the end, the colonists of Rosa II stopped bleeding out of their orifices and the away team was able to administer the treatment without getting infected themselves. He ignored Jim's comm, went straight back to his quarters and fell into a deep sleep. 

The following day he finished his report on the outbreak, treated a broken leg and ignored Jim's invitation for dinner. 

Beyer, Crewman First Class, had her twenty weeks gestational scan and he assured her that working close to the Warp Core wouldn't harm her baby. The next round of crew physicals started and he poked and prodded the patients still under his care with a little more professional detachment than usual. 

He avoided going to the Officer's lounge, avoided the door to M'Benga's office and didn't reply to Jim's request to have a drink with him. 

A small fire broke out in the rec room and he treated five people for smoke inhalation and scolded them for taking an experiment out of the laboratory.

He worked, slept and ignored Jim. 

It was a comfortable routine. 

 

Leonard knew he had walked into a trap the moment he opened the door and heard the music. 

Jim was sitting at the small table with a fifth of whiskey and two tumblers. ”I hope this bar is open. I'm meeting my buddy for a drink.” 

The door hissed shut and Leonard kicked off his boots, hating Jim, his security clearance, and himself for thinking he could get away with avoiding him. 

”Has to be a real special occasion if you've brought your own booze.” 

”You've been ignoring me for two weeks straight.” Jim shrugged, looking obnoxiously cheerful. ”You know I can't let that slide.”

Leonard rolled his eyes but if he was honest, the loneliness was getting to him. He sank into the other chair and let Jim entertain him with stories of his historical exploits.

Frat regs weren't as rigorously enforced as they once were, but Jim felt the weight of his responsibilities enough to take them seriously. He couldn't wait for the next leave when he could _finally_ get his dick wet, and Leonard was buzzed enough that he didn't tease him about it. 

”Enough about my love life,” Jim said, with a slight slur. ”What happened between you and Chekov?” 

There it was; the curveball Leonard had been expecting for the last two weeks. ”We're not a good fit,” he said at last.

”Because of the age difference? The fact that he's not a cranky bastard, and you are?” Jim was resting his head in his hands and looked about half an hour out from crashing. ”It's not about your thing, is it?”

”My thing?”

”You know...” Jim blinked and then he sat up straight. ”It is about your thing!” 

”Like I said, we're not a good fit.” Leonard emptied and refilled his glass. The whiskey felt suddenly too smooth, too pleasant. 

”Well, you can live without it, right?” Jim said softly. ”You had to have known that the chance of Chekov being into dudes and into you and into _that_ was pretty slim.”

”Jim...” 

”I mean, there's always porn. Maybe some sort of arrangement? Bones, you two were pretty into each other. It seems a shame to – ”

Leonard slammed his glass into the table so hard that the half-empty bottle fell over. 

”Jim, I scared that kid half to death! He can't even stand to look at me!”

Jim flinched. ”Bones, come on...” 

”It's true. And do you wanna know why? It's because I beat the crap out of him and he hated every second of it.”

Jim opened and closed his mouth. He tipped his head like he was waiting for the gears in his mind to finish turning and then he said, calmly: ”You're not an abuser, Bones. I know you wouldn't do anything to _anyone_ if they didn't agree to it.” 

Leonard let out a shaky breath and surrendered to Jim's useless logic. ”Yeah, but it doesn't change how he feels about it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and criticisms are most welcome! <3


	3. Chapter 3

”Again,” Pavel said as Hikaru pulled him up. His muscles were sore and his heart was racing, but it was the least hurt he'd felt in over a week. 

”You're getting tired.” Hikaru cocked his head and looked every bit like the dad he was. ”Let's call it a night.” 

”Again, please.” 

Hikaru sighed and landed Pavel on his ass once more, but at least it took him a second longer this time. 

 

”That's a mighty generous offer, Lieutenant, but are you sure yer up for it? I could use all the help I can get, but laddie, you need to sleep some time.” 

 

”Would you like to cancel the whole reservation, Sir?” 

”No, only one ticket. Can I please get a refund?” 

 

It wasn't as easy as he'd thought to fall back into old habits. He was older now and wasn't working himself to death to impress his superior officers; no, it was either this or getting drunk every night, and he would need his liver when he felt like living again. 

The busier he kept the less he had to feel, and the more tired he was when he crashed into bed, the less he'd think about how empty it was.

Every last bit of his failed foray into domestic life had been cleaned out and his room was neat and according to regulation again, as was Pavel himself. He was an exemplary officer, always ready for duty with nothing to distract him. 

Even Hikaru seemed to respect his newfound zeal, although he derisively called it a phase, and had stopped coming over. 

That's why Pavel was startled by the chime of the door and even more surprised when he saw the Captain on the other side of it. 

”It's not too late, is it?” 

”No, sir.”

The Captain was in civvies and seemed too relaxed for there to be an emergency. ”At ease, Lieutenant. Can I come in?”

”Please,” Pavel welcomed him in and hurried to pull out the chair from his desk. ”Have a seat, Keptin. May I get you anything?” 

”I'm fine. This is a social call,” Captain Kirk said, and Pavel took the only other available seat – the edge of the bed. ”I wanted to see how you were holding up. Mr. Scott tells me you've been burning the candle at both ends lately.”

”Mr. Scott is one to speak.”

The Captain shrugged. ”Yeah, but with everything that happened between you and Dr. McCoy, I – I wanted to check in on you.”

A flush was burning Pavel's cheeks and he felt dangerously close to breaking protocol. He pressed his knees together. ”Permission to speak freely, Keptin?” 

”Always.” 

”Sir, do you concern yourself with the private relationships of all of your crew or just the ones that involve your best friend?”

Captain Kirk looked a little taken aback but composed himself quickly. ”Look, Bones and I have been friends for a really long time. Since San Fran. I know about his...” he gestured vaguely in the air. ”I _know_ , okay? I came here to tell you that if you need anything – counseling – you'll be able to get it, off the record.” 

Counseling? Other crewmembers were far more over-worked than he was. In fact, Lieutenant Kelso had suffered a mild nervous breakdown in the mess last week... ”You think I have been abused?”

The Captain didn't flinch but he gave a little shrug as if to say 'I don't know.' ”Whatever you need, Lieutenant.”

It took all of Pavel's training not to run out of the room. He ground his palms together and took a steadying breath. ”I have _not_ been abused by Dr. McCoy, Keptin.” 

”Oh, good, good.” Captain Kirk nodded and looked a little sheepish. ”Would you mind telling him that? 'Cause that's what he thinks. In fact, he thinks you hate his guts now.”

”Keptin, I don't understand what you are talking about.” Pavel tried to get his mind to do an instant replay of the last two weeks, but it refused to co-operate. ”Why would Dr. McCoy think I hate him?” 

”Because you're avoiding him? Getting dumped he can handle, but the cold shoulder treatment is really starting to get to him. You don't have to play nice, just give him a hello every once in a while. Unless, you know, you really do hate him.” 

”I have been trying to give him space,” Pavel said faintly. ”I assumed he did not wish to see me.” 

”Wow! Well, it's a good thing I came by. I should do house calls more often.” 

The Captain grinned, visibly relieved, and Pavel wondered what he had come here expecting to learn. 

 

For a while, he entertained the plan of mildly injuring himself some time when he knew Dr. M'Benga wasn't on call. Leo would never turn away a patient in need of medical attention, no matter how upset he was. Pavel would use the precious few minutes to apologize to the Doctor, maybe ease the tension with some light humor. If nothing else worked he would yell. 

Part of him just wanted to feel Leo's hands on him again even if he had to hurt a little to get there.

 

Leo didn't even look up to dismiss him. ”Now's really not a good time, Lieutenant. I'm busy. Come back tomorrow.” 

Tomorrow, when sickbay would be filled with nurses and medical techs and there would be no room for a private conversation. 

Pavel tried very hard to keep his voice steady. ”Are we no longer friends, Leo? Were you not telling the truth when you told me that?” 

That got his attention. Leo blinked up at him and rubbed a hand over his eyes.

”Jesus Christ. Come here, kid. You want a drink?”

”I do not want a drink and am not kid. But I will come.”

He followed into the small CMO's office like so many times before and took the chair in front of the over-sized desk. The leather was worn and cracked in a few places and the smell of disinfectants wafted in from the exam room. They'd had their first real conversation here, all those months ago. 

Leo went straight for the cupboard, for his beloved glasses, but instead of pouring himself a drink he just stared at Pavel like he hadn't seen him in months. 

”It's an old habit. I call Jim that, too.”

”You say many things to the Keptin. He came to see me. In my quarters.”

Pavel had to look away to steel himself from what he was about to say. ”The Keptin seems to be under the impression that I broke up with you.” 

”He assumed.” Leo sighed and seemed to snap out of his trance. He finally poured and when he sank down on the other side of the desk he looked absolutely exhausted. ”I didn't correct him. Maybe I should have. And Jesus Christ, he shouldn't have bothered you like that!” 

”He was worried,” and before the conversation could risk sliding in the direction of what exactly the Captain had been worried about, Pavel took a breath and said what he'd come here to say. 

”My talk with him was very illuminating. I have been trying to keep out of your way because I know I have hurt you badly and thought that seeing me would cause you further pain. The Keptin told me my actions have been misinterpreted by you. I am sorry for this as well.”

Leo stared at him like he couldn't believe what he was hearing. ”I thought you couldn't stand the sight of me, so I tried to give you as wide a berth as possible.” 

”I see. Are you angry with me, Leo?”

”What? God, no!”

Pavel contemplated this. ”Nor am I angry with you, despite what you have believed. We have both been giving each other space. Neither of us needed space, and neither of us is angry.” 

”There's a reason I'm divorced,” Leo muttered but there was a light in his eyes that wasn't there only moments ago. ”So we got that settled. Good thing Jim came by, huh?”

It didn't sound like a conversation ender, like he was trying to shoo Pavel out the door. Maybe he should take that drink anyway, maybe...

”I still worry that I hurt you,” Pavel shrugged and sank a little further down in his chair. ”It was a faux-pax, maybe? I don't know these things. I was only trying to find a way to...” 

A way to keep them together after their incompatibility was apparent. 

”Your problem-solving brain at work, huh?” Leo sounded fond, not hurt. ”It's a hell of an offer, but I couldn't do that to you.” 

”I really don't mind. We don't have to talk about it. I wouldn't even have to know!” Pavel knew he was getting close to whining. He'd never been this in love, never wanted anyone this much. 

”What you don't know is what keeps you up at night. You'd think about it, trust me.” Leo let out a sigh. ”Eventually, you'd end up resenting me, and that's something I don't think I could stand.”

Pavel wanted to say he would never, ever resent Leo, no matter what happened, but something stopped him. 

They'd never really talked about Leo's marriage, just about how much he missed his daughter. He would get frustrated when waiting for a call and try to hide his relief when he got one. Something bad had to have happened between him and his ex-wife for things to be so fraught between them that they couldn't even cooperate on raising their child. Leo obviously knew what it was like to be resented by someone who once loved you. 

”Can't you do without?”

”Ha! That's what Jim said, and I could, but...” Leo was suddenly touching him; two fingers resting lightly on the back of his wrist and it was enough to light up Pavel's nervous system. 

”Sweetheart, you deserve someone who doesn't have a part of them that freaks you out a little. Someone who wants exactly what you want and nothing else.” 

Pavel hitched a breath. He knew he was a minute away from honest-to-God crying and didn't know if he could endure what would follow. 

”I also have freaky parts, Doctor. I considered injuring myself tonight so that you would agree to see me. I am grateful our conversation was possible without bloodshed.”

Leo's face fell and it made Pavel giggle despite the pain he felt over a door closing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a massage the other day. It was quite painful but also felt very enjoyable - much like this story.
> 
> I hope you have a great weekend. 
> 
> Comments & criticism much appreciated! <3


	4. Chapter 4

Weirdly enough, it didn't take long for things to get a lot better. 

Pavel made it all the way to his quarters before he started sobbing. He ended up soaking through his Starfleet issued pillowcase and slept in short, restless increments. 

But in the morning he showered and dressed, took aspirin for his headache and pulled the storage unit from under the bed. He took out his own pillowcase; the one he'd brought with him all the way from his dormitory back on Earth, and replaced the ruined one. 

He ate a big breakfast in the mess, drank two cups of strong, black coffee and reported to the Bridge with his head clear for the first time in weeks. When it was his turn for lunch he brought sandwiches down to Engineering and told Mr. Scott that he had been right about the workload being more than he could handle.

Mr. Scott seemed only relieved to hear this and slapped his back when Pavel told him he would be happy to help recalibrate the dilithium processor this coming Sunday. 

The remainder of his shift was a bit uneventful and he spent most of it studying star charts of systems they wouldn't pass through for months. He was already plotting courses in his head by the time he realized he was enjoying himself.

For the past two weeks, life on the Enterprise had seemed dull, colorless, like five years in space was enough for him. But now he was feeling the pull again, the thirst for exploration that had made him leave his first home at age eleven and never look back. He'd been so preoccupied with running from his pain that there hadn't been any room left for him to be himself. 

Now he was no longer running from anything. 

Leo didn't hate him, wasn't angry at him, and would never be anything other than a very good friend. 

 

You weren't technically allowed to drink alcohol in the rec room, but it was one of those rules that everyone, including the Captain, agreed to ignore. Pavel actually preferred it to the Officer's lounge because the atmosphere was more relaxed and the gossip way better. There was also an unspoken rule that Friday night was civvies-night.

As soon as it was eighteen hundred hours and he was relieved, Pavel went to the gym and ran 10k on the treadmill. He had a quick bite to eat in the mess hall and went back to his quarters to shower. He put wax in his hair and dug up his most flattering black v-neck tee and a pair of denim pants the shop assistant had told him had been very fashionable on Earth during the 20th Century. 

 

The moment the doors to the rec room hissed open Janice grabbed him by the shoulders and kissed his cheek. Her long hair was down for once and she was wearing a knitted jumper with a cat and hearts on it. 

“Lazarus has risen,” she cheerfully exclaimed and he was about to protest that it really hadn't been that long when he realized it had. Even before he'd been busy nursing his broken heart, he'd been busy playing house with Leo. 

“I like your shirt,” he said dumbly. 'Show pussy some love' was embroidered above the cat. 

Janice grinned and glanced down at it. “Only time I'm able to wear it. It's nice to see you, Pasha.”

That was another feature of Friday nights in the rec room; everyone was on a first name basis. He suspected that the Senior Officers all knew about this and stayed away to avoid making things uncomfortable. God, he loved this ship.

Hikaru spotted him and waved at him to come over. He was playing chess with Kevin and Pavel only had to glance at the board to see who was going to win.

“Nice to see you, man.” Hikaru slapped him on the shoulder and smiled. 

“Ditto, and no helping him, okay?” Kevin said and looked back over his shoulder. “Barkeep!” 

A buff Andorian woman came over and thrust a cup of something that smelled like lighter fluid in Pavel's hand. He remembered that she had transferred from the Hood a few weeks back, but she'd never said as much as a word to him. “Thank you.”

Her antennae waved in reply and she went back to her game of pool. 

“She's in tactical, yes?” The no-uniform rule meant you had to guess if you didn't know someone. Pavel was good at guessing.

“Mean with artillery and in a distillery. You'd better cut that with something,” Hikaru muttered and furrowed his brow, seemingly becoming aware that he was about to lose the game.

“I am Russian,” Pavel shrugged and took the tiniest sip of his drink. It was potent stuff, he had to admit.

“You are? I had no idea!” Kevin exclaimed dramatically and moved his queen. “Checkmate, good sir!” 

Hikaru groaned and changed the subject as easily as he steered a constitution class starship into space dock. “Just to think, a week from now I'll be hiking through a rain forest with nothing but a compass to guide me. How about you?” 

Pavel knew Hikaru was a little down because Ben and Demora wouldn't be able to meet up with him this time. “I will go with you,” he offered. He didn't really have any grand plans, besides going to the planetarium alone and getting drunk afterward.

“We'll have fun,” Hikaru wrapped an arm around his shoulders as if sensing his train of thought. “I make a mean dutch oven lasagna.” 

“Oh come on, Hikaru!” Kevin leaned back and crossed his arms. “Your boy here needs to let loose, get a little sociable if you understand the parlance. My Nanna used to say nothing heals a broken heart like breaking hearts.” 

“Your grandmother said nothing of the sort,” Hikaru said firmly and gave Pavel a little squeeze before he let him go as if to say 'I got this.'

He started collecting the chess pieces and placing them in the wooden box where they were stored. 

“I promise that _if_ Pavel wants to go out, I'll take him out. And _if_ he wants to get a little friendly with some of the locals, I'll properly vet them first.” 

He gave Pavel a little wink at that and changed the topic again so quickly that Kevin had trouble keeping up. 

Pavel had told Hikaru the whole, uncensored story of his and Leo's breakup. It had been the safest route to take. Anything too vague and Hikaru would get the wrong idea about Leo and volunteer to rearrange his face. 

Hikaru was always so protective of him, like an older brother who would tease the hell out of him but who had his back when he really needed it. He had always appreciated it, but never as much as he did now. 

Pavel took a large gulp from the cup in his hand and actually coughed a little. Shore leave wouldn't be so bad, after all. 

 

It was almost midnight when Leonard was finally ready to pack up. Ensign Assya had shown up with abdominal distension and a fever that kept making her pass out. He'd spent several hours running down his list of infectious horrors until the test came back positive for mononucleosis. Now she was back in her quarters, doped up to the gills and resting comfortably. 

All in all, it was a relief to run across a simple Earth disease. One that would cure itself, no less.

He turned off the lights in his office. It was too late to meet up with Kirk and Spock in the Officer's lounge, so he was just going to go home, read a chapter in his book and fall into a long, hopefully undisturbed, sleep.

He'd seen Chekov – Pasha – a few times this week when he'd been up to the Bridge and they'd exchanged polite nods. It was like a storm had passed by without causing any damage. Sure, it still stung a little that they wouldn't be together, but at least he knew that Pasha didn't hate him and that he wasn't somehow irreparably traumatized by what Leonard had done to him. 

As he exited his office he saw someone standing just inside the main entrance to Sickbay. He cursed himself for celebrating too soon. 

“Is it an emergency?”

The officer shook her head. She was an Andorian, one of the recent transfers. 

“Lieutenant... Paar, is it?”

“Yes, Sir.” She glanced back to the corridor and took a step forward. My God, she looked like she could tear him in half. “I know it's late and I won't take up too much of your time, Sir.”

“Well, whatever it is, spit it out already.”

She studied him curiously, cautiously. ”I attended the Academy around the same time as you did, Sir. I used to frequent an establishment on Okafor Street.”

It was innocuous enough but Leonard felt the hairs on the back of his neck rising. ”What about it?”

”Don't worry, Sir, we never played. But your reputation was remarkable. Spotless.” She spoke the last word as though she was awed. Her antennae waved slowly like reefs caught in the wind. ”I don't know if you're available, and I don't mean to presume, but if you ever want to play with me, I'd be delighted too.”

Leonard felt suddenly wide awake. He was at a loss for words, stumped by the cards the universe was dealing him lately. ”Let's talk tomorrow,” he said at last.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This week was really rough at work, so I didn't get to write as much as I had hoped. 
> 
> I also can't believe I originally thought this would be a 3k story. Haha. 
> 
> Comments & criticisms are appreciated!


	5. Chapter 5

Quiet days in sickbay came by rarely and were usually the sign of looming disaster, but Leonard was going to enjoy the peace while it lasted. He was blissfully all caught up with his reports and was scrolling through a list of recently published papers when Jim appeared in the doorway.

“Last chance, Bones,” he said cheerfully and straightened out his collar. Jim always looked younger out of uniform. 

For the last couple of hours, everywhere Leonard had gone people had been scurrying about carrying bags, chatting excitedly with each other. It was exhausting.

“We must be sinking. The rats are all leaving the ship.” 

“Well,” Jim said with a grin. “Only half of the rats. The other half goes down on Monday.” 

Leonard leaned back and crossed his arms over his chest. ”Can I get you anything? Vaccination? Condoms? The Talk?”

Jim had to be in a spectacularly good mood because he didn't even try to make a dirty joke. ”You're sure about sitting this one out?”

Usually, Leonard would jump at the chance to get off the ship, to place his feet on real, solid ground, but with the influx of patients he knew would follow once the crew returned to reality, he would need to be rested up. And yeah, this was the leave he was supposed to have spent with Pasha, and yeah, he knew that running into him down there would be awkward for both of them. He didn't want to ruin this for the kid. Not this too. 

”About getting twice the peace and quiet I'm used to? Dead certain.” 

”All right,” Jim tapped his fingers once against the door frame. ”Just do whatever Spock tells you to do and don't comm me unless there's a shipwide disaster. Deal?”

Leonard made sure to roll his eyes even though he was in perfect agreement with Jim. ”You have my word. Please don't come back with an injury this time. I'll have enough on my hands by then.” 

He was sure of it. Somehow, no one ever had the good sense to get inoculated before visiting an alien world. Not to mention the good sense to stay clear of unknown mind-altering substances. At least the safe sex education seemed to have proved effective. He hadn't seen an STI in years. 

Jim looked a little somber, but he grinned anyway. “Scouts honor. Enjoy your staycation, Bones.” 

He gave a little nod and left, taking the rush of excitement with him. 

Leonard sighed and went back to scrolling. It was all for the best. 

 

The air smelled like home. Well, like parts of home. Just like in the equatorial regions of Earth the air was warm, moist and rich with the scents of soil and vegetation. 

It was strange. Years ago home was Russia. Then it was California. Now that Pavel had visited dozens of worlds and spent most of his time on a Starship he had come to think of the entire Earth as his home. It was his home planet, the dot he would point to on a map to show non-humans where he came from. 

He suspected that Hikaru felt the same way, although maybe now he thought of Yorktown station as his home because that was where his husband and daughter lived. 

Pavel slowed his steps to let Hikaru catch up a little. They were wearing hiking boots that were great for protecting their feet but also heavy. 

“I am curious about something. If someone asked you where your home was, what would you reply?”

Hikaru pulled the canteen from his belt and took a sip. He was sweating but looked incredibly happy. “Depends on who is asking and why. If I suspected a political motive, I'd say my home is the United Federation of Planets. If it was Ben asking, I'd say it's wherever he is.” 

The thought of Hikaru lying to Ben about anything was a little unsettling. Pavel had always thought that their relationship was the healthiest and most equal he had ever seen. If he was honest, he kind of envied them a little. 

“What if you were compelled to speak the truth by a... Betazoid? Or Vulcan?” Or a Centaurian slug, his mind helpfully suggested and he felt a pang of grief at the memory of poor Admiral Pike, the first Captain he'd served under. 

“San Fran,” Hikaru said without a moment's hesitation. “Hands down.”

“After all this time, still? After everywhere you have been?” 

Hikaru nodded. “Born and raised. I can trace my lineage in the Bay Area at least ten generations back. Nothing beats that. Why'd you ask?” 

“It is different for me. Home keeps changing. It is Earth, of course, but where on Earth I don't know. For years it has been the Enterprise.” Pavel could feel himself frowning. “Now I am not sure what is home.”

The harsh angles of Hikaru's face melted into a smile and he placed his hand on Pavel's shoulder gently. “There will be other starships, you know.”

“I know.” Pavel was always saddened by the thought that after these additional five years were up much of the crew would go their separate ways. It was quite possible that he would get an offer from another ship that he would accept. Leo would probably request discharge and go back to Earth to his daughter who would be grown enough by then to make her own decisions. Pavel would probably never see him again.

“We will always be friends, though, won't we?” It came out sad and pathetic but he felt sad and pathetic right now so he didn't mind. Hikaru's hand tightened on his shoulder.

“Always. You're young, you'll figure out your place eventually. And in the meantime, well, at least you know where we're going right now.”

Pavel glanced up and nodded. The forest canopy was thick enough that only strips of white light reached the ground. “It is still early in the day. We will be able to reach the campsite before nightfall.”

 

He turned out to be right about that. By the time they reached the clearing the light had only turned an amber gold and the stretch of sky that opened up above them was still blue. There was a stream of drinkable water, manmade or natural he couldn't say, and a fireplace built out of bricks. It took just twenty minutes to erect the tent and then Hikaru unhooked the small ax from his belt and went to collect firewood. 

Pavel knew better than to offer his help. This was Hikaru's idea of a good time; man against nature, manual labor, anything far removed from the daily sophistication of his high tech profession.

Roughing it, as Leo would call it, although there wasn't any scenario in which Pavel could see Leo agree to go camping. The doctor was a walking contradiction. He enjoyed his comforts as long as they weren't artificial, or at least not overtly so. His personality was abrasive until you got to know him and then he couldn't stop being soft with you. He was devoted to saving lives and treating the injured, but he also got a hard-on from causing pain. 

Pavel shivered and looked up at the sky. It took the Enterprise sixty-two minutes to complete the orbit around this planet. After nightfall, she might even be visible here where there was no light pollution. Just a small bright dot in the sky, her trajectory being the only thing differentiating her from all the other dots. 

He wanted something simple that was easy to understand. But he wouldn't get it on the Enterprise.

 

After getting the fire going and refilling their canteens in the stream, Hikaru fulfilled his promise by cooking the greasiest and spiciest lasagna Pavel had ever eaten. Usually, he liked listening to music during dinner but the sounds of the forest and Hikaru's company kept the quiet at bay. 

They talked about Demora' s school year, movies Pavel wanted to see, about even greasier meals Hikaru had eaten growing up in San Francisco. He'd been a chubby kid until he discovered fencing, and one day, maybe when he was drunk, he would show Pavel some of his middle school pictures. 

“Dude, you don't have to keep checking,” Hikaru said as he caught Pavel glance up for the third or fourth time. “She's still up there, I promise.”

“It is difficult to put her completely out of mind, even though that is the purpose of shore leave,” Pavel admitted. This was the portion of the evening when he would usually have a drink but the tea Hikaru had brewed with water boiled over the open fire was a nice substitute. 

The air was getting cooler and if it wasn't for the warmth from the fire he would be freezing. 

“I was the same until Demora was born. Starfleet runs on suckers like us. Once you get bitten by the space travel bug, it's difficult to shake it. That's why we keep signing up.” 

“Do you ever think about... life after?”

Hikaru nodded and used a stick to push one of the logs down on the embers. “I'm going to have my own ship one day. But I'm also going to watch my daughter grow up, maybe graduate, perhaps get married. Ben and I are going to get ridiculously old together. It's not just Starfleet I think about anymore.” 

A drop of moisture landed on Pavel's naked wrist and he wiped it off thinking back to the first time he had met Hikaru on the bridge of the Enterprise. He had seemed like the consummate officer, and Pavel had wanted nothing more than to be exactly like him.

“When we were pulled out of class to assist Vulcan, did you leave a message for Ben?” He knew now that they had already been dating back then and he thought of Hikaru leaping into danger without knowing if he would ever return to the man he loved.

“I called him when we got back to space dock.” Hikaru's eyes were dark. “By then it was mostly to make sure that _he_ was all right. He yelled at me and hung up. Then he called back and yelled at me some more. That's when I knew I was done for. He was it for me.” He smiled to himself before he seemed to chase the memory away with a sip of tea. “Did you leave a message for your father?”

Pavel shook his head. “There was no time and... I had said everything I wanted to say to him already.” He had finished his tea but he held on to the mug anyway until a gust of wind made him shudder and he needed both arms to wrap around himself. 

“Do you think Lieutenant Riley is right about me? That I need to climb into a saddle?”

“Kevin?” Hikaru frowned. “Right about..? Oh. Well, do you want to?” 

It was the million credits question. “I know that I cannot get back together with Leo and I think about him still. Often. Sometimes I am not even sure that I want him back, and yet I think about him. It angers me.” 

Hikaru wiped his forehead and shifted a little to get a better seat. “You might just need time. With a little distance, everything seems small.” He gave Pavel a mischevious look. “Yeah, you don't have a daughter, you don't get it. Look,” he said and wiped his head again. “Is it raining?”

It was. Scattered drops of water fell from the sky and when Pavel looked up a grey cloud had rolled in to cover the stars. “Did you not read the forecast, Hikaru?”

“I thought you did!” 

 

They packed up the remains of their meal and retreated into the tent where they dried off. The rain made quick work of putting out the fire and after another forty minutes, the rain wasn't as much of a problem as the wind was. The tent was shaking as were the two of them even after they had put on every layer of clothing they had brought with them. 

“It will pass,” Hikaru said stubbornly as he zipped their sleeping bags together. “Get in.” 

They lay huddled together for an hour before Pavel couldn't stand it any longer. “Hikaru, please.”

“We still have another forty kilometers to go. The trail passes by a mountain with wild-growing Edalia flowers that are only in bloom during this season. There's also a low gravity waterfall that's described as the most beautiful in the system.” Hikaru sounded like he was mourning the loss of his perfect vacation. His feet were icy cold against Pavel's shins even through two pairs of socks. 

A sudden clap of thunder made them both flinch.

“It is not heroic to be killed by camping,” Pavel said somberly. “My obituary will be very embarrassing.” 

Hikaru groaned behind him and then a communicator came online with a chirp. 

“Forest service, come in, please. Two requesting emergency evac.”

 

No people in the mess, huh. That was a pleasant surprise. With half of the crew away and the other half focused on keeping the lights on, the Enterprise seemed like a ghost ship. 

Leonard liked it. 

He ordered deep fried chicken and coleslaw from the synthesizer and took the biggest table where he could spread out to his lonely heart's delight. He put his PADD down and clicked on the article that was next on his reading list when he saw something in the corner of his eye. 

“Sorry, I thought I was alone.” 

Lieutenant Paar was sitting a few tables away and had by the looks of it almost finished her own meal. Her blue face was impossible to read at this distance. 

“Your presence isn't disturbing me, Doctor. There's no need to apologize.” 

Right. 

“Well, carry on, then.” 

He took a piece of chicken and dunked it in the dipping sauce before swallowing it whole. He knew he was actually eating replicated chicken substitute but it was as close to the real thing as you could get up here. He bit the next piece in half and cursed when a spray of grease hit him straight in the face. 

Shit. There was no napkin dispenser on this table.

“Here you go, Sir.” 

A paper towel was thrust in his hand and he wiped his face quickly. Synthesized grease was even stickier than the real deal. He wasn't touching the PADD again until he had washed his hands properly.

So much for reading during dinner. “Thanks.” 

Lieutenant Paar was staring at his hands. He hid them under the table. 

“You don't have to undress me with your eyes, you know.” 

“I'm sorry, Sir.” She quickly looked away and her antennae trembled. “I should leave. I'm acting very unprofessionally.”

She swiftly returned to her own table and picked up her tray, presumably to put it into the recycler where it would come out as a drinking cup or cutlery the next time someone pressed the button. 

Out of three hundred and seventy crew Leonard was probably the only one who knew she was a masochist. She had confided in him, albeit in the form of an awkward proposition, and now she'd probably never dare to look him in the eye again. 

“No, wait.” He sighed. “Why don't you join me, Lieutenant?”

“I have finished my meal.” Her back was stiff and he could see the shame she felt over acting like a real person for a brief moment. Goddamn Starfleet officers. 

“Have a cup of coffee or something.” He threw his hands out to indicate the empty hall. “I really could use the company.” 

With a little nod, she turned on her heel and stalked off towards the vending area. Not even a full minute later she returned with a cup of something foamy and steaming.

“It's from Earth,” she said as she sat down across from him. She took a small sip of whatever was in her cup. “I enjoy the sugary taste of it.” 

A specific pretentious campus coffee shop appeared in Leonard's mind. “You got hooked on it while you were at the Academy, huh?” 

He got a little kick out of the embarrassment on her face but he wasn't going to make her suffer. Didn't want her to get the wrong idea about him. “We have something really sweet back where I come from. Ice tea. I think you'd like it.”

“Interesting. I have only ever drunk warm tea,” she said politely.

Leonard popped another piece of chicken in his mouth. Chewed. Swallowed. Had a sip of water. 

“Hypothetically,” he said and wiped his hands with the clean end of the paper towel. “Let's say I'm available. What are you into?”

Her lips parted in a smile and her cheeks turned ultramarine. 

“Hypothetically, Sir, I have quite a list.”


	6. Chapter 6

The wardens were highly amused when they learned that the two off-worlders they were rescuing were unaware that it was nocturnal storm season. Hikaru was quiet the whole shuttle ride, clenching his jaw and looking sour, while Pavel quietly brainstormed for ways to salvage the rest of shore leave. 

The two of them were dropped off at a nice hotel where they were greeted by a sympathetic night manager who put them in adjoining rooms. 

Pavel had a hot water shower and by the time he had finished putting on the dry clothes supplied to him, there was a knock on the door.

“Come on,” Hikaru said, his regular upbeat self again. “Let's get a drink.”

 

There was music playing downstairs, some kind of ambient electronica that reminded Pavel of the humming of the warp core. Hikaru found them a table by the large panorama window and left for the bar. 

Now that they were out of the squall it was quite beautiful. Flashes of lightning lit up the dark clouds and vertical rain decorated the sky like grey brushstrokes. 

Not even a whisper of thunder could be heard and Pavel glanced down, finding forcefield emitters on the floor just as he expected to. He had a front row seat to nature's temper tantrum and he wouldn't even get wet. 

If it weren't for him Hikaru would still be freezing in that tent, fighting a one-man battle against his determination. He would eventually have caved when the storm worsened beyond his ability to withstand but Pavel had spared him at least a couple of hours of suffering.

All in a day's work, as Leo would say. 

Hikaru returned from the bar carrying two tall glasses of bright green liquid. 

“Here you go. Fortified Edalia wine, local to the region.” He sat down across from Pavel and turned his chair away from the storm ravaging outside. “You're looking pensive.”

“Oh, I'm just thinking about how grateful you should be that I rescued you,” Pavel said. “Even though you didn't get to see your flowers.”

“I've got a long bucket list. Don't worry about it.” Hikaru raised his glass and tipped his chin up. “For saving my ass.”

The wine was surprisingly unsweet and smooth, nothing like the disgusting fruit wines back on Earth, and had a kick that had them relaxed and acting silly before long. 

Hikaru was gone a really, really, long time after the fourth round and when he returned he wasn't alone. 

“Pavel, this is Dufva. Dufva, this is my friend Pavel.”

“It is pleasant to meet you, Pavel,” the peach colored lady said with the tiniest delay as the universal translator picked up on her language and dialect. 

Pavel wracked his brain for information. “You are Genetian, yes?” 

Her skin flaps jiggled a little as she nodded. “And you are humans! I really like humans.” She was beaming at the both of them, just standing there in her flowing dress until Pavel remembered his manners and shook her hand. Her skin was loose and very, very soft. 

“I am also here on vacation. Are the nocturnal storms not magnificent?” She clenched her hands and squealed a little as she looked at the window.

“They are something,” Hikaru muttered and turned to face Pavel; grin on, plan so painfully obvious. “Dufva, why don't you tell Pavel about the arboretum they have on the ground floor?”

Dufva managed to tear her eyes from the storm after an awkward moment. She turned to Pavel and smiled. “Yes! It is an excellent place to have sex.” 

“Uh....” was all Pavel managed to say. He glared at Hikaru who shrugged. “Are you... are you planning to have sex there?”

“I have had sex with many humans. I like humans,” she said again and frowned as if she was just now noticing his hesitation. “Do you not want to have sex with me, Pavel? If you do not want to have sex I will not take it personally.” 

If she would say 'have sex' one more time, Pavel was going to lose it. He quickly glanced around but none of the other patrons seemed to be listening in. Or maybe this was run of the mill conversation in a place like this and they had stopped caring long ago. 

“We, uh, we only just met. I don't...”

Hikaru's boot bumped into his under the table. “I'm sorry. We are both very tired from our journey.”

“No, no, I'm not,” Pavel said quickly and straightened up as if to prove his point. He was no Captain Kirk by any stretch of the imagination, but he was fed up with being lonely and pining all the time.

“It will not hurt,” she said quickly as though that was a real concern, although maybe Hikaru had told her something that made her think it was. 

Pavel bumped Hikaru's foot back and stood to take the Genetian's warm hand in his own. “Lead the way, please.”

 

It was warm in the arboretum and the bushes and trees reminded him of the rain forest. The artificial lightning and force fields spoiled the illusion a little, but the alien next to him made it all seem exotic anyway.

A soft patch of grass under a large deciduous tree looked promising, but Dufva pulled on his hand and dragged him along until they came upon a wooden bench. 

It looked like a regular park bench, no cushions or anything. It wasn't even long enough for either of them to stretch out properly.

“Do not worry. No one will come here while the storm is raging. Please sit.” 

“Okay.” If she wanted to make out first he would be more than happy to oblige her. Even that felt like it had been ages ago. 

She sat down next to him and started pulling on the sash at the front of her dress. “Take your penis out. It does not have to be erect.” 

The bench really didn't have enough room for what he thought she was planning, but he was beginning to realize that he was probably way off. 

“Should we – uh, not lie down anywhere?”

“Sitting is fine,” she said cheerfully and held up something that looked like the trunk of an elephant, only smaller and the same color of ripe peaches as her face.

He had aced xenobiology, but somehow this detail hadn't come up in any of his classes.

”So Genetians...”

”Males do not penetrate. Females envelop.” Dufva tilted her head and looked at him expectantly. ”Penis?” 

”Oh, right, penis,” Pavel said dumbly and reached into his underwear. These pants didn't have a zipper so it took some work until Dufva helpfully reminded him to pull on the string that loosened the fabric. 

It was at this juncture that his Starfleet training kicked in. ”We should use some protection.”

The condoms that had been handed out in the transporter room were still in his soaked backpack, three stairs up. 

Dufva carefully took hold of his soft cock and reverently held it. “It is not egg blooming season. I can not fall pregnant.” 

“Okay, that's good.” Dr. M'Benga could give him a scan when he returned to the ship and any STI could be sorted out by modern medicine. Not that she looked anything but perfectly healthy. He licked his lips.“Proceed, please.” 

With a little nod, she gently sucked his cock into her appendage. It was warm and soft on the inside but not very wet. 

”What's it called?” 

”Snippa. You can touch it if you want to.”

Pavel ran his fingertips over the soft skin. The texture was more similar to a human penis than an elephant's trunk, which was good because he wanted to be able to go to the zoo again at some point. 

He traced the length of his cock under her skin and a few inches beyond. 

”I'm too small for you.”

“No, no. You are perfect.” Dufva caressed his cheek gently. The snippa was moving on its own now and both her hands were free. ”Genetian penises are very thin. Most of the nerve endings in the snippa are near the opening which makes the length a useless feature. Human penises are shorter but a lot wider.” 

The pressure on his cock increased slightly and she looked at him cautiously. ”Is it uncomfortable?” 

”No, it's nice. I'm getting hard. _Thick_ ,” he added and gave her a wink.

Dufva made little fists of excitement and started squeezing him in short bursts. 

It was definitely the most unusual sex he'd ever had. There was no thrusting or arching, just a cycle of pressure and release. He was hardly moving at all and the person fucking him was sitting half a foot away. 

She was obviously enjoying herself, making little noises and trying to make it last as long as possible.

Every time he felt close to coming she relaxed her muscles and asked him about something trivial until he was off the edge. After half an hour of this routine, he was leaking furiously and she finally squeezed him all the way to orgasm. 

“You enjoyed this,” she said smugly and detached from him slowly. “I am very experienced.”

He almost laughed. “I enjoyed it a lot. Did you come?” He wouldn't know what that felt or even looked like so it was safest to ask.

“Come?” Her brow furrowed until recognition dawned on her face. “Oh, yes. I enjoyed myself very much, Pavel. Thank you for having sex with me.” 

“You're welcome, ma'am.” He was always a little silly post-orgasm. “Are there many humans on Genetia, Dufva?”

Her snippa was now the size of a drinking cup. She tucked it away inside her dress and tied the sash again. 

“No, there are not. I live on Starbase 5.” She placed her hand on his cheek. “It is nice to see you happier. Your broken heart is very heavy.”

Pavel swallowed thickly and willed himself not to look away. It wouldn't be very polite and she might very well take it as rejection. “Are you a touch telepath?”

Dufva shook her head and frowned. “That would be annoying. Hikaru told me your mate has left you. He said you are very sad but available for sex.” 

Ha. He wondered if Hikaru had put it quite so plainly. Pavel shrugged. 

“It's true. I wasn't... wasn't what my mate was looking for. So he left me.” It sounded so simple when it was said like that, but it really was that simple, wasn't it? “I still miss him very much.”

Dufva tilted her head and studied him carefully. “I am sorry you are sad, Pavel, but I think you will find a mate who you are perfect for. Just like you were perfect for me tonight.”

“Yes, Hikaru says the same thing.” The mood was a little somber so he bumped into her side playfully until she made that adorable squeal again. “I really needed this. It was a good idea.” 

Dufva beamed at him. “It was pleasurable for both of us. And now the last time you have had sex is not with the mate who left you. Does that make you feel lighter?” 

Yes, actually. It really did. 

 

Leonard stopped in front of the sink and took a moment. Holy shit!

He had sweat drying all over his body and come cooling in his underwear. The signs of a successful session, for sure. 

It had been a long time since he'd been wanted for something he was able and willing to give. He had missed it so damn much that he wanted to cry in relief which wouldn't be very good for his image. 

He shook it off and filled a tall glass with water. 

His playmate was whimpering softly where she kneeled on the floor, hands still tied behind her back. He crouched in front of her and took a hold of her chin.

“Drink up. Slowly,” he added as she obeyed with a little more eagerness than he had expected. It must have been a while for her as well.

Dark blue welts were all over her back and arms where they would be covered by the sleeves of her uniform. He'd broken the skin in only a few places and he would heal those up before he sent her on her way. Infection wasn't something to be played around with, even with a super strain of antibiotics at his disposal. 

When she had finished drinking he sat down next to her and allowed her to lean into his side. He hadn't earned his stellar reputation by being nonchalant about aftercare. “Was it good for you?” 

Her pupils were blown and her eyes were full of affection when she looked up at him. “Good is an understatement, Sir.”

“Leonard.” He ran a hand over her tangled hair. “When we're out of a scene and off-duty you may call me Leonard.”

“Leonard.” She tested the name on her tongue. “My full name is Khadile sh'Paar.” 

“Khadile, huh?” He wrapped his arm around her waist and found a particularly nasty bruise for his thumb to press into. 

She yelped in pain and cuddled closer to him, arching up against his hand. 

He had barely had to touch her clit to make her come tonight. “Have you always been able to orgasm from pain?” 

“Since I came of age, yes. I think of it as an evolutionary advantage.” She batted her eyelashes at him. “We can play some more if you're not tired?” 

She sounded so hopeful that he had to chuckle.

“Nah, you're done for the night. You need to learn how to pace yourself so you don't crash.” 

'Trust me, I'm a doctor,' was at the tip of his tongue. “Until you do, I'll watch out for you.” 

Khadile lifted her head from where it was resting on his shoulder. “Do you wish this to be a regular occurrence?”

Her tone was painfully measured.

Pasha always tried to perfect his Standard when he was very upset. The more upset he got, the harder he tried. It was as if he thought that being in control of the words he spoke would grant him control of his emotions as well.

“Tell me, Lieutenant. What are the odds that a person like you and a person like me would both end up in the same flying tin can?” 

“Thirty-four to one,” she said after a moment's hesitation.

“There's your answer,” Leonard said with a grin and tried to banish the thoughts of Pasha with the endless possibilities for pleasure that lay ahead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter: Chekov and McCoy are finally reunited.


	7. Chapter 7

By the time the Enterprise broke orbit, Leonard had treated six minor fractures, two cases of alcohol poisoning and one case of auditory and visual hallucinations brought upon by a venomous snake (and a serious lapse of judgment.) 

All in all, it wasn't nearly as bad as he had feared. 

There was an obvious boost in morale following the leave. Everyone just seemed so damn happy all the time, even Pasha who upon seeing him launched into an elaborate story about a luxurious hotel and how Sulu had almost gotten them both killed in a storm. 

Jim sauntered into his office, rested and well-fucked, and told him at length about the fantastic adventure Leonard had missed out on. He had half a mind to tell Jim about the spectacular sex he himself had been having, but that would give Jim _ideas_ and it didn't seem fair to Khadile for her Captain to know something she obviously kept secret. 

 

The crew's good mood carried over well into the next week, to the briefing on the upcoming mission to Lule III.

“Jeff can do it,” Leonard said and crossed his arms, glaring at Jim.

“Dr. M'Benga accompanied the last two away missions. It's your turn.” Jim said calmly. “Besides, you could use the change of scenery after missing shore leave.” 

Leonard would be the judge of what he did or did not need thank you very much. “I have paperwork.”

“It can wait,” Jim said cheerfully and addressed the room. “So it's settled. McCoy, Sulu, Chekov and we need someone from tactical... Lieutenant Paar. Commander Spock will head the away team. You have two hours to pack.” 

Leonard grit his teeth and thought of the many ways he would torture Jim during his next physical. “Jim, I...” 

“Keptin, Doctor McCoy is very scared of the shuttle ride,” Pasha said innocently. 

The planet's atmosphere contained too much background radiation for the transporters to work within the safety parameters and they would have to fly in the old-fashioned way. The way that got you killed slowly and painfully. At least a transporter death meant instant oblivion.

”I am not.” 

Pasha looked at him sweetly. “You know it is true. Doctor McCoy is also very scared of wild animals, of bad weather, and of getting attacked by locals. Perhaps those of us who are trained in combat should reassure the Doctor that we are more than capable of protecting him.”

Suppressed laughter filled the room and Pasha still looked as sincere as ever. The little shit. 

“I see,” Jim nodded and stroked his chin thoughtfully. “Well, this complicates things. Fear is indeed a liability. Perhaps the rest of you can hold the Doctor's hand if you come across anything dangerous, say, a particularly lively mouse?” 

“Fine, I'll go on your stupid mission.” Leonard couldn't wait to get dismissed so he could wipe Jim's smirk from his brain. “You're all going to need me anyway when you trip and break your little legs.” 

 

He was almost done with packing when it struck him that Khadile and Pasha would both be on the away team and that he hadn't told either of them about each other. 

 

The shuttle ride was indeed as bumpy as he had feared. He knew Sulu to be an excellent pilot but it didn't make the experience any more pleasant. The two hours between leaving the shuttle bay of the Enterprise and making a very unsmooth landing on the planet's surface was some of the longest in his life. 

It didn't help that the mood had been subdued a bit once they were on their way. 

The inhabitants of Lule III had been more or less exiled from an Earth colony twenty years ago when their unwillingness to play nice with the other colonists had ended in near bloodshed. They had gone somewhat willingly if only to avoid being put through further scrutiny by the Federation.

They had no warp capability besides the few shuttles they had come in and were almost entirely reliant on the assistance the Federation provided twice a year. This time the Enterprise had been the ship closest to the system. 

 

After disembarking they were greeted by a middle-aged man who introduced himself as Mr. Martin and appeared to be at least an unofficial leader. 

”I can't say you'll be warmly received, but trust me, everyone here is in great need of what you're offering.”

“Sounds like you're a real hospitable bunch,” Leonard muttered.

”We don't have a lot of time to hone our social skills. We're mostly cut off from the rest of the galaxy and reliant on our harvest which wasn't particularly good this year.” 

Three hundred years ago, that could have sounded like Oklahoma, or Texas. Or Georgia.

“Mr. Martin, according to your last subspace transmission six months ago, the population of your settlement was nine hundred and seventy-two,” Spock said evenly. “Has that number changed?”

“Two live births, eleven deaths...” Mr. Martin recounted without giving Spock as much as a glare. “You do the math, Vulcan.”

A small village of brick and tin houses spread out in front of them. A couple of terrain vehicles were parked in front of the largest structure which reminded Leonard of the high school he had attended back in Macon.

“City Hall,” Mr. Martin said and pointed to the three steel doors in turn. “School and hospital. There's a guest room at the back of the hospital where our visitors stay.”

Spock nodded. “We should attend to our duties. Lt. Sulu will advise your farmers, Lt. Chekov will help with any mechanical repairs needed in the village. Doctor, your duties are obvious. Lt. Paar,” he looked at Khadile who was doing her best re-enactment of the Officer's Handbook. “You're with me.” 

 

The hospital was exactly as squalid as Leonard had suspected, but at least it had two beds and an autoclave for sterilizing old-fashioned surgical instruments. 

A woman slightly older than him presented herself as Medical Technician Ristane. 

“Were you trained on Earth?” Hopefully, it wasn't too painful of a question for her to answer. He needed to know who he would be working with and what she was capable of.

Ristane shook her head. “By subspace communication. Don't worry, the Federation taught me enough to keep my people alive until one of you guys show up.”

Leonard set his bag down and started checking that everything was in still in order. “Maybe they didn't train you enough. Eleven deaths in six months doesn't sound like a good track record for any physician.”

“Six of those were suicides,” she said evenly, leveling him with a gaze that made him want to crawl under the nearest rock where he could pretend the Federation was the shining city on a hill all the speeches said it was. “One vehicle accident, two heart attacks. Eclampsia accounts for the last two.”

He began to sort out his equipment on one of the beds, feeling her gaze burn his neck the whole time. Mother and child perishing during pregnancy was the sort of horror story you only read about in Earth's medical history.

“Give me your notes on that case later. If you need different medical supplies, I'll pass on my recommendations to Starfleet.” 

She gave him a look like she didn't quite believe him. “Yes, Doctor.”

He had a feeling she was holding this whole place together by her bare hands, and she hadn't even been given the same education as his nurses had. 

“Give me the patient list. And please, call me Leonard.” 

 

It was late in the evening when they all retired to the room they'd been given. They sat on their bedrolls eating their rations in tense silence until Sulu broke it.

“So, how was your day? I'll start. The farmers are good but their crops aren't genetically modified to withstand all the variations in humidity this climate has to offer so the output is less than 60 percent of what is optimal.”

Leonard thought about the patients he had seen today. The stitches that had scarred badly, the bone that had healed the wrong way and that he'd had to break and re-set. Sharing these anecdotes wouldn't exactly raise anyone's spirits. 

Pasha had finished eating and was watching Sulu carefully. He knew him better than anyone else in this room and if he thought that commiserating would lighten the pilot's mood, Leonard would trust him. 

“These people are living a very tough life. They don't have any replicators and the generators are too old to draw full energy from the power source I plugged in.” Pasha indicated the dim lights that were placed in the ceiling. “But the teacher seems very committed to educating the children. That's good.” 

“Did she like the picture books?” Sulu raised an eyebrow, seemingly oblivious to the other three people in the room. 

“They are age-appropriate educational texts from Earth, Hikaru,” Pasha said with a sigh. “I reviewed them. They are scientifically accurate.” 

“Yeah, and Demora would just love to trade in her three-dimensional holographic tutorials for a textbook.”

“I learned from books.” Pasha was shrinking in on himself, as he always did when he was losing an argument. “Many of the greatest scientists in the Federation learned from books.” 

“And how many of these children do you think will grow up to be great scientists, Pavel? They won't even be able to get off the planet without giving up their right of return.” Sulu's tone was heated and Leonard could see that he was about three minutes away from punching his fist through the wall. 

“We are not here to pass judgment on the Federation but to provide assistance to the colonists as instructed,” Spock said as easily as he would recite a manual. 

“We're not assisting them in anything but their imprisonment,” Khadile said suddenly, and it took Leonard a moment to realize she was actually arguing with a senior officer. 

The glare she gave Spock was impressive, and by God, Spock actually seemed a little uncomfortable. His back straightened and his eyes were dark. 

“As much as I respect your personal opinion, Lieutenant, the fact is that the colonists would be in much more dire straits if not for the Federation's continued support.”

If you didn't know Spock, you wouldn't be able to hear the emotion in his voice, but Leonard had worked with him for five years, had watched him lose more than anyone should be able to bear.

Luckily, Leonard always packed emergency chocolate. He found it and threw it straight at his commanding officer who caught it with a raised eyebrow.

“I know, Spock. I don't like it either.”

Sulu crossed his arms and leaned back against the wall. He seemed less tense now that he knew that he wasn't the only one with misgivings. “That makes none of us.” 

 

Lule III seemed to have an endless supply of Easter Eggs. First, there was the brief but merciless rainfall that turned the dirt roads into mud. Then, the strangely textured but protein-rich meat that Technician Ristane told him came from a bipedal mustelid.

And finally, to make Leonard's day perfect, poisonous weed with psychoactive properties.

Patient number one was still thrashing violently after a dose of sedatives and patient number two was sitting on the bed behind them holding his head while groaning.

“Were both of your gloves torn?” Ristane asked the sitting man with disdain while she struggled to pin down a wrist. “Or were you stupid enough not to wear any?”

Leonard had found yet another thing to add to his list of recommended medical supplies: restraints. 

“We need assistance. Go get Chekov. He should be in the school.” 

She looked at him suspiciously and didn't move until he was holding both of the man's wrists by himself. She ran out the door and Leonard put all his strength into keeping his patient still. 

“Calm down! We're trying to help you.”

He didn't want to give him a second dose of sedatives until he had done a full spectrum analysis on the poison and checked the man's medical journal for any underlying conditions. Still, if he didn't settle down soon he might be in risk of a heart attack. 

Ristane returned with Chekov in tow and the two of them managed to get a grip on the patient long enough for Leonard to grab his tricorder.

“How are you doing?”

The man holding his head whimpered when Leonard spoke to him. The tricorder showed elevated levels of adrenaline and dopamine but nowhere near as bad as in the other patient. He was either in better general condition or had been exposed to a lesser amount of the poison. 

“Any hallucinations?”

“I see things. I know they're not real,” the man added with grim determination. 

“Any auditory hallucinations?”

The man's eyes were bloodshot when he looked up. “Are you playing music?”

Leonard shook his head.

“Good, then I don't have to criticize your taste.” 

“If you're making jokes you're in better shape than I thought.” The fact that he was calm and lucid enough to know his hallucinations weren't real was a good sign. “How did this happen?”

“We stepped in a rain puddle. By the time we realized firebane was growing under it, it was too late. The water had seeped through our socks.” 

Jesus Christ. The concentration of poison in that plant must be through the roof. 

Leonard glanced back at Chekov and Ristane who had managed to subdue the patient on the table. 

“Don't touch his feet until you've put on gloves.” 

“Yes, Leonard.”

“Gloves work, if you've got them.” The man in front of him wrapped his arms around himself and shivered. 

Leonard prepped a hypo. “You're going to be fine. I will give you a light sedative to keep you comfortable. As soon as I'm done with your friend, I'll give you a proper examination.”

He pressed the hypo against the man's neck and helped him lie down on the bed. 

Now that he had a second pair of hands he could finally draw the blood he needed. 

“Sorry to drag you out of class, kid.”

Chekov had one hand on the patient's shoulder and the other on his wrist. He smiled. “I'm always happy to help you, Leo.” 

Leonard didn't miss Ristane's raised eyebrow but he chose to ignore it. He drew a vial of blood and had just attached it to his analyzer when there was movement behind him. The other patient, the man who had seemed so calm just moments ago, was standing behind him with a bedpan in his raised hand. 

Chekov's fist collided with the man's face with a loud smack. The man tried to retaliate but the force of the blow had taken all the momentum out of him and his hand just grazed Chekov's face. He toppled over with a groan and the bedpan hit the floor with a loud bang. 

Ristane's face was white. “He was.... Leonard, he was going to attack you!”

Leonard took a deep breath. “Keep your eyes on the patient. Mr. Chekov, have you ever considered a career in security?”

“Actually, I have,” Pasha grinned. “My reflexes are very good. I've--” he winced and stumbled back, letting go of the patient on the bed completely. “I – I don't...” 

“Oh no,” Ristane said and nodded her head at the man who was now moaning on the floor. One of his boots were off and the sock was half-way off his foot. 

It reminded Leonard of an animal chewing off its own leg to escape a trap only to die from blood loss.

“Pasha,” he said as calmly as he could. “Sit down.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am open to constructive criticism. Feedback is love!


	8. Chapter 8

With the help of Spock and Khadile, both patients were tied to the beds with strips made out of bedsheets. Both men were coming in and out of sleep but their adrenaline and dopamine levels were down enough that neither of them was in imminent danger. Leonard made a note to administer another dose of sedatives in a couple of hours and went to check on his third patient.

Pasha was sitting on the floor with his back to the wall, white as a ghost. When Leonard approached he held up his shaking wrists.

“Don't think that's necessary quite yet,” Leonard said and sank down in front of him. He kept his movements slow and easy to read. He showed his hypo and pulled down Pasha's uniform to expose his jugular.

“Don't! I'm poisonous.” 

“It's okay, I'm wearing gloves.” Leonard held up his hands. “See?” 

Pasha was trembling badly and it seemed to take a second for the meaning of the words to sink in. He nodded and allowed Leonard to administer the sedative. 

“If all my patients were this co-operative, my job would be a whole lot easier.”

“Am I going to be as bad as them?” Pasha nodded towards the patients on the beds and the fear was easy to read on his face. He was scared of losing control and becoming a danger to himself and others. 

“Probably not. You weren't exposed to as much of the poison as they were. It's not lethal, by the way. Your body will take care of it in time. Theirs will as well.”

Leonard picked up a sterilizing wipe and tore open the package. “Normally, I'd recommend a hot water shower to prevent you from poisoning anyone else, but...” he shrugged and reached for Pasha's face. “May I?”

When Pasha nodded, Leonard methodically cleaned his jaw and chin, the places where the other man's fist had made contact. He walked over to the container for hazardous waste and discarded the wipe and his gloves. 

When he returned, Pasha was shivering less, a sign that the sedative was working, but he was just as pale as before. 

“Doctor, how long am I going to be like this?”

“It's hard to say. Six or seven hours.” Leonard cast a glance at Spock who was standing by the door, ramrod straight. “Let's get you settled in the back room, okay?” 

”No, no,” Pasha was shaking his head frantically. ”I wish to stay under observation.” 

”If we had another bed I'd let you, but you can't sleep on the stone floor. If you're really that worried, I'm sure Sulu would be more than happy to tie you up.”

Leonard tried to inject some humor into his voice but Pasha just continued looking miserable. 

”Doctor McCoy is correct in his assessment.” Spock took a step forward. ”You are in great need of rest. Should your condition deteriorate, the rest of us will alert the Doctor.”

“You will wrestle me down, Commander? Is comforting to know.” Pasha looked pleadingly up at Leonard. “Please, don't make me leave.” 

Aw, hell. There was no way Leonard was going to be able to resist. He turned to Spock and gave a little shrug. 

“I'm going to be up all night anyway. I might as well watch over the Lieutenant.” 

 

At least this place had blankets to spare.

Pasha had one draped over himself and another rolled up under his head. The Starfleet issued bedroll wasn't exactly optimal for a restless patient, but it would at least keep the cold from seeping into his bones. 

He wasn't moving very much but every once in a while he would twitch and moan. When he did, Leonard would check his heart rate and his adrenaline and dopamine levels to make sure he wasn't getting worse. 

He had sent Ristane off to get some sleep and she wouldn't return for at least another six hours. Leonard drank coffee and watched Pasha. He gave his other patients their second doses of sedatives and set up an IV when one of them showed signs of dehydration. 

Observation was the most frustrating aspect of practicing medicine and he didn't even have paperwork to pass the time.

After an hour or two, Pasha suddenly rolled over with a groan and pushed himself up on his elbows. His expression was strained and Leonard knew that look. He barely had time to grab the bedpan and push it in place before it started.

By the looks of it, Pasha had also been served mustid for lunch. 

“This is good, actually. You'll probably start feeling better soon.” 

Pasha was panting harshly, still leaning over the bedpan as though he was afraid more would come any second. 

“You have... very strange ideas of what is good, Leo.” 

It wasn't something Pasha had ever said to him before, but Leonard couldn't help but think about the last night they'd been together. The night in his quarters. Pasha had been on hands and knees then too, silently enduring what he thought was Leonard's idea of a good time. 

And it had been a good time. Erotic and exciting, right up to the point when Leonard had realized he had actually hurt the man he loved. 

“I'm going to get you something to drink.”

The away team had brought a whole box of electrolytes with them and it was neatly put away in one of the cabinets. Leonard opened a water bottle and poured in the white powder, waited until it had completely dissolved, and took the bottle back with him. Pasha just frowned at it. 

“It's either this or I stick an IV in your arm. Your choice.” 

“You need to work on that routine, Leo.” Pasha accepted the bottle reluctantly and sat back against the wall with his eyes closed. “You are not very scary.”

Leonard swallowed past the lump in his throat. “I'm not?”

“You are very soft, Leo.” Pasha cracked one eye open and held out his hand. It fell back to his lap almost immediately. “Please, sit with me. It is boring to be sick without company.” 

Leonard wanted to scan him again, anyway, and he could do that while sitting. He retrieved his tricorder from the small desk and eased himself down on the bedroll next to his patient. 

The vomiting had elevated Pasha's heart rate and temperature but not by too much. His serotonin levels were low, but not dangerously so. ”Have you experienced any hallucinations yet? Visual, auditory or olfactory?”

”Unless you're not really here, then no.” Pasha wrinkled his nose and pushed the bedpan away. “This smell is very real.”

It had been four hours since Pasha had been exposed to the poison and so far he hadn't experienced any of the really adverse effects. With a little luck, he would be perfectly healthy come morning. 

Ristane had secured a sample of the weed from one of the other farmers and Leonard couldn't wait to take it back to his lab in Sickbay. There were so many simulations he would run. 

Pasha had finished his drink and set the empty bottle down. He didn't look like he was going to be sick again but he kept squeezing his eyes shut in a way that was worrisome.

“Your head's hurting, isn't it?” 

“Leo, my _everything_ is hurting,” Pasha said miserably and looked like he was going to cry. “Tell me something.”

“Tell you what?” Leonard had his hypo ready and pressed it against Pasha's neck with a satisfying hiss. 

Pasha closed his eyes in relief and then he did something he hadn't done in weeks. He put his head on Leonard's shoulder.

“Just talk to me. Your voice is very distracting.”

It was so easy to put his arm around the kid's shoulders. It was something he had done hundreds of times. Leonard's hand ended up on Pasha's waist, not too low, but still fairly intimate for two people who were no longer together. 

“What do you want to know?”

“Tell me why you became a doctor.”

That one was easy.

“My father was a doctor so I kind of inherited the profession. Biology was my favorite subject so I had an easy time studying. Once I got into med school I discovered I really liked it.”

“Did you like it because it was easy?”

“I wouldn't exactly call med school easy. I liked it because it was a challenge I was capable of overcoming.” Leonard could still remember the thrill he'd felt when he had realized he understood homologous recombination. “Then I realized I could actually help people and, well... I can't see myself doing anything else.”

“There are many ways to help people.” Pasha sounded like he was worried that the conversation had run dry.

“Sure, but this is the one I'm good at. And it's fascinating. If you know enough about the body you can fix almost anything. Let's take that patient over there.” Leonard pointed to the man Pasha had helped hold down earlier. “I wouldn't need my tricorder to know he was dehydrated. Give me your hand and I'll show you.”

Pasha looked confused but held out his hand for Leonard to take. It was warm and sweaty, evidence of the fever still running. 

Leonard used two fingers to pinch up the skin on the back of Pasha's hand. When he let go the skin sprang back to its normal position almost immediately. “That's how it's supposed to be. Now, if a patient is dehydrated it takes a few seconds for the skin to return to normal. You treat dehydration by administering fluid replacement therapy, intravenous in this case as the patient is unconscious. Problem solved.” 

It wasn't always that simple of course, but it was a good way to describe the medical profession to a layperson.

“You read bodies like you read books.” Pasha sounded awestruck, which was a bit hilarious considering he had the schematics of the warp engines in his head. 

“Well, I have to read books and tricorders, too.” Leonard shrugged and set Pasha's hand down gently. “But yeah, that's what any physician does.”

Pasha blinked languidly up at him. “This is why you are so good in bed, Leo.”

Wow.

“That's – that's not actually as good of a pick-up line as you might think.” He had a Jim Kirk-anecdote standing by to prove it when he realized that Pasha was deliberately pressing into him now. Warm, chapped lips were kissing his jawbone. 

“Sweetheart...”

“You always made me feel so good, Leo. I miss it. Please, it hurts.” 

Pasha squirmed and tried to turn in Leonard's grip but he was too weak to complete the movement. His knees parted slightly and Leonard could see exactly where it was hurting.

Well, that was a symptom.

“I'll give you some privacy.” 

He tried to extract himself gently but his legs had fallen asleep after sitting on the floor for so long and it took him a while. Pasha tried to cling to him as he stood and ended up awkwardly in a heap on the bedroll, looking like someone had taken away his favorite toy. 

“No, no, don't go,” he cried. “Please, Leo. I know you don't want me, but you can fix me. I need it. Please.”

This time Leonard found it easy to resist.

“Listen, your brain chemistry is way off and you're running a fever. Trust me, poisoning isn't a good reason to do something you'll regret in the morning.” 

His eyes fell on the rolled up blanket. He grabbed it and crouched down in front of Pasha who tried his very best to climb all over him. He unzipped the kid's uniform pants which earned him an enthusiastic reaction. 

“No, come here. Turn over.”

He took a hold of Pasha's hip and guided him down on the makeshift pillow with the speed and dexterity worthy of a prized surgeon. 

“There we go. You won't even have to respect it in the morning.”

Pasha let out a disappointed whine when he realized he had been tricked but he was too far gone to do anything but rut against the friction. 

It was kind of weird to watch after a while and Leonard had to make sure the other patients were still sound asleep.

He knew exactly what to listen for; that breathless, low-pitched moan that Pasha always made when he orgasmed. When he returned, Pasha was limp and breathing slowly, clearly about to fall asleep.

Leonard turned him over easily and covered him with the blanket. “Sweet dreams, Lieutenant.” 

Now that the hospital was quiet there was plenty of room for the thoughts in Leonard's head. He poured himself another cup of lukewarm coffee and sat by the desk. 

Of all the people he had been in romantic relationships with there were only two that he'd been crazy about. One of them was snoring on the floor and thought that Leonard didn't want him.


	9. Chapter 9

Pavel woke to stiff limbs and a faint headache. The ceiling looked different and the smell of disinfectants tickled his nose. He was in a hospital but not the one at home. This wasn't Sickbay.

What had happened to him? He remembered punching someone, how his knuckles had ached, but everything was a little fuzzy after that.

“Good, you're awake.” A woman's voice. The nurse he'd met yesterday. He was in the village on the surface of Lule III. 

Oh, God. 

He had humped a blanket like a dog in heat. In front of Leo.

Pavel covered his eyes with his hand and felt the blush burn from ear to ear. This was horrifying.

“Uh, yes, I am awake. Where is Doctor McCoy?”

He sat up slowly and pulled his zipper up under the blanket. Everything reeked of sex, surely she could smell it. His bedpan was gone. 

“Sleeping. How are you feeling?” The woman was talking to someone else now but the question had been directed at him. 

“Fine, I think. My head hurts a bit.”

“You're not feeling sick?”

He shook his head and she gave him a sympathetic smile as she helped one of the patients sit up. It was the man he had punched yesterday. 

“Don't worry, I've cleaned up worse in my day. Doctor McCoy says you're free to go if you're feeling better. You should drink water and try to eat something with the hour.” 

“I have rations,” Pavel nodded and got up slowly, wrapping the soiled blanket in the other one. “I think I... might have urinated in my sleep. Where do I put this?”

She pointed to a hamper in the corner without missing a beat. At least it had a lid. 

He walked over to it and dropped his bundle down quickly, hoping the lid would shut out the smell.

Both of the patients were awake and seemed lucid even though they still looked a little pale. 

“You look like you're feeling better, Sir.” 

The man he had punched was a little slow in his reaction time but he eventually met Pavel's gaze and smiled. 

“Thank God for that. It's my second time going through this shit and once was enough.” He shook his head to himself and then he frowned a little. “You're Starfleet, aren't you? Don't tell me you got poisoned out in the fields as well.” 

“I did, but I'm much better now thanks to your nurse. Take care of yourself.” 

Maybe the other man's memories would come back. If they did he hopefully wouldn't feel too bad about what had happened. Pavel had his own embarrassment to worry about. He hadn't just made a fool out of himself in front of Leo, he had tried to.. To... Urgh. 

He quickly rolled up his bed and shouldered the strap. He needed fresh air, badly. 

“Doctor McCoy didn't say anything else, did he?” 

The nurse shook her head firmly. “No wait,” she said suddenly without looking up from the tubing she was rolling up. “You should be happy your Captain wasn't here because he would have taken blackmail pictures.”

“Oh,” Pavel almost sighed in relief. “That's pretty funny.”

“I fail to see the humor. If the Captain of a Starship isn't used to a little vomit, then the Federation can't be all it's cracked up to be.” 

 

The back room was empty when he dropped off his bed-roll. He grabbed a bottle of water and a protein bar and walked back through the hospital to get outside. It was still early in the morning and pale sunlight illuminated the side of the building. 

Pavel breathed in the crisp air and sat down on the bench to have his breakfast. His stomach was a little uneasy and his muscles were sore but overall he felt healthy. He'd never been poisoned before and it would be a really good anecdote to tell on a rec room Friday. With some details omitted, of course. Now that he was feeling better he was very impressed with himself. 

The training he'd done with Hikaru had really paid off. His reaction time had been short and he had landed the punch so that all of the energy had been transferred to his attacker. Well, to Leo's attacker. 

Pavel crossed his ankles and jiggled his foot. He had saved Leo. For the second time in less than six months.

“It is good to see you up and looking well, Lieutenant.” 

Commander Spock had come out of the door to City Hall and was now standing in front of him, hands clasped behind his back. 

Oh shit. Was he grinning? It felt like he was grinning.

Pavel stood quickly and saluted his Commanding Officer, willing his face to relax. “Yes, Commander. I am fit to return to duty.”

Spock gave a curt nod and turned a little sideways to indicate the main road. “I am in need of Lieutenant Paar's assistance, but she is not here, nor is she answering her communicator.”

Pavel was still holding the wrapper from the protein bar and he shoved it into his pocket. His communicator was on his belt. No one but Commander Spock had been issued a phaser for this mission. “Do not worry, Commander. I will find her.” 

 

The village stretched out along the main road with only a few houses breaking the pattern. The teacher had told him that half of the population worked in the fields, that a third worked with construction and the rest made their living selling goods and services. They had an analog credit system and an arbiter to help settle disputes, but no police or real legal system. 

Pavel had grown up in a village almost as small as this one and he was well acquainted with such a way of life. Slow days, lively gossip and finding your entertainment where you could. If it weren't for the dependence on a single industry and the limited contact with the rest of the Galaxy, this wouldn't be such a bad place to live. 

Work and school had begun for the day so there were hardly any people out. He passed by some kind of workshop and waved politely at the man doing woodwork by the open window. The man just glared at him. 

“Excuse me, have you seen one of my colleagues come by?”

The man's eyes narrowed. “I'm too busy to look out the window, Starfleet.” 

“You were not too busy to notice me,” Pavel said in as friendly a tone as he could manage and smiled. “Please, I really need to find my colleague.”

The man closed the window with a snap and Pavel felt his good mood burst like a soap bubble. Mr. Martin had warned them that not everyone would take kindly to their presence. The teacher and students had been so friendly with him that he'd forgotten.

Oh well.

Pavel decided to leave the road and check out the houses that were scattered around the end of it. 

The current interference in the atmosphere made it impossible for the Enterprise to locate the away team on the surface so he had to find Lieutenant Paar the old-fashioned way. There was a possibility that she had gone out to the fields. He had noticed that all of the terrain vehicles were gone so if he had to look for her there it would be a long trek by foot. Hopefully, it wouldn't come to that. 

What reason would the Lieutenant have for turning off her communicator? It was very unlikely that she had been incapacitated considering her physical strength and combat training. Perhaps she was working on some kind of crude electronics that were easily disrupted. But no, that didn't sound like her either.

From what little he'd seen of her she was doing the Exemplary Starfleet Officer routine full-time. When she wasn't doling out moonshine in the rec room, that was. She was annoyingly by-the-book, stiff as a bottleneck, only matched in rule-following by Commander Spock. There was no way she'd turn off her communicator when she was on duty.

He was deep in thought when he saw an elderly man wave him over. The man was sitting on the front porch of what seemed to be a multiple-family home and when he saw that Pavel had made eye-contact he held up a finger to his lips. 

Pavel nodded and quietly walked up to him. The man pointed up and then to a door that was half-open. There were voices coming from upstairs but it was impossible to make out what was being said. 

With a smile and a nod to the old man, Pavel went inside. A wooden staircase opened up immediately in front of him and he walked up the stairs as softly as was possible.

A man was trying to placate someone. 

“Please, you have the wrong idea. We were just having a good time.”

“And you? Are you having a good time?” That was the Lieutenant's voice and she sounded angry, even angrier than she'd been two nights ago when they had all expressed their concerns about the colonists' situation. 

Pavel pressed himself against the wall as he rounded the corner and came upon a small room. Paar had her back to him and her arms crossed. A young woman was cradling her bleeding face silently. Her eyes widened when she saw Pavel but she didn't alert the others to his presence.

“No. I wish to leave,” she said and looked pleadingly at Lieutenant Paar. 

A middle-aged man stepped forward into Pavel's line of sight but a glare from Paar stopped him in his tracks. She didn't take her eyes off of him. 

“Go to the hospital. Now.” 

The woman nodded and didn't even look up as she ran past Pavel and down the stairs. She was young, probably even younger than he was. 

“I have many heard stories about you. Heavy fists, wandering hands.” Lieutenant Paar was crowding the man now, shrinking him with her presence and her gaze. “Taking what has not been given to you.” 

Pavel should probably get involved by now. He and Paar were equal in rank and Commander Spock had given him a direct order. 

“Well, you know what it's like in a small town like this. Rumors fly around.”

“That doesn't sound like a declaration of innocence.”

“Yeah, what are you gonna do about it?” The man spat out, sounding suddenly bolder now that he thought they were alone. “You have no jurisdiction here and you know it. Your Federation left us to rot and you're gonna fly in and give me a lecture on how to live my life? I don't think so, sweetheart.”

Pavel's hand instinctively went to his belt, to the phaser that he didn't have. 

Lieutenant Paar's antennae were perfectly still like they'd been glued in position. “It is true that the Federation has no jurisdiction here. Still, I suspect that assaulting a Federation representative on a supply run wouldn't be a popular move.”

The man spluttered and took a step back. “Wh-what?”

Pavel coughed loudly and turned the corner just as he saw Lieutenant Paar's fist connect with the man's face. The man tried to fight back but she had him on the ground in two seconds flat, even though they were roughly the same size. 

“Lieutenant! Stop it!” 

Pavel tried to separate them only to have the man scramble away, face white as a sheet. 

“It was an accident!” He was staring at Pavel with wide eyes, like a nocturnal animal blinded by a light. “I - I didn't mean to!” 

A trail of blood dribbled down Lieutenant Paar's chin and she was clutching her stomach where a switchblade knife was sticking out. She looked smugly after the man who got to his feet and stumbled down the stairs.

“Oy, don't move, Lieutenant.” Pavel pressed one of his hands on top of hers and flipped his communicator open with the other. 

 

Commander Spock and the nurse from the hospital came up the stairs not five minutes later. The nurse put a makeshift bandage on the wound and together they helped carry Lieutenant Paar all the way back to the hospital on a gurney. She had lost consciousness by the time they got her on the hospital bed and the nurse was cutting her uniform open.

The young woman was nowhere to be seen.

“These look older,” the nurse said and pulled on gloves with a snap. “You should get out of the Doctor's way.” 

“What?” Pavel blinked, unable to follow her train of thought. 

The door to the back room burst open and Leo emerged, tousled but wide awake, followed by Commander Spock. 

“What have we got?”

“Patient presented with a bleeding laceration, minor hemorrhage. An array of older injuries but those seem inconsequential.” 

Pavel took a step back and let the two professionals work. His eyes drifted from Lieutenant Paar's slack face to the knife sticking out of her stomach to her naked shoulders that were completely covered in welts.

They were symmetrically arranged and precision sharp, made to look aesthethically pleasing while they healed. 

Leo's face was expressionless and his eyes were focused on his patient. Pavel had seen this a hundred times in a hundred medical emergencies; how the man was pushed aside to make room for the Doctor. 

Pavel's breath came in short puffs and there was a hand on his shoulder.

“Come on, Lieutenant,” Commander Spock was saying. “There's nothing we can do here.”

 

'Nothing we can do here' proved a correct assessment. Lieutenant Paar's injuries weren't immediately life-threatening, but she needed surgery and a transfusion of synthetic Andorian blood. 

Sickbay was prepped and standing by and the rest of the away team carried the gurney to the shuttle in silence.

Their abrupt departure was causing quite a stir and a small crowd had formed at the take-off site. 

Mr. Martin was agitated and grabbed Spock's arm while Hikaru climbed into the pilot seat to get the shuttle ready for take-off.

“I assure you, the perpetrator will be severely punished. Please, make note of it in your report.”

“I will write a full and accurate report, Mr. Martin. We are not your governing body,” Spock said firmly. “You have no retaliation to fear from us. Now, please, we have to leave.”

Mr. Martin still looked white but he nodded and stepped back, letting the rest of the away team lift their injured crewmember from the gurney and carry her into the shuttle. 

Pavel ended up with her head in his lap after an inquiring nod from Leo and the nurse placed a pack of sterile compresses on the seat next to him. 

“Please let me know if she makes it. It would be a shame to... well.” She shrugged and held out her hand to Leo. “It was a pleasure, Doctor.”

“The pleasure was all mine,” Leo shook her hand firmly. “I'm serious about those updated recommendations.”

She gave him a wink and a salute and stepped back so that Commander Spock could close the door. 

“All right, everyone strap in,” Sulu said from the pilot's seat. “The ride should be smoother on the way up, but I can't promise anything.” 

Pavel helped Commander Spock secure Lieutenant Paar's legs and chest and then he fastened his own seat belt. Leo was sitting across from him, hands scrubbed raw and eyes dark. His tricorder was in his lap. 

It was obvious what was going through his head. He had done everything he could, but for the next two hours, he would be practically helpless. 

“That woman seems to be a very competent nurse.”

Leo jerked at the sound of Pavel's voice. He ran a hand over his face and sighed. “Would you believe it if I told you she's not even a nurse?”

 

Lieutenant Paar regained consciousness by the time they had cleared the planet's atmosphere. Leo had his tricorder out within a second and by the look on his face, it was obvious that her condition hadn't worsened.

His eyes were fixed on her but she was looking past him. “Commander...” 

“Shh, don't speak.” Pavel caressed her forehead gently. It was hot to the touch but he didn't know if that was normal for an Andorian or not. Her antennae lay limply down the side of his thighs. “Please, save your strength. You can be punished by the Commander when you have recovered.”

Commander Spock opened and closed his mouth. He nodded. 

“I would have done the same thing she did,” Hikaru turned his head back to look at the rest of them. “I'm not kidding. If there's an inquiry, I'll say exactly that.”

Commander Spock's mouth was pressed into a thin line. “Lieutenant, you are aware that the Luleans have no formal justice system, and that the punishment for the perpetrator will most likely be exile?” 

“Yes, Sir,” Hikaru nodded and Lieutenant Paar closed her eyes again. 

 

There was a medical team standing by in the shuttle bay and as soon as Lieutenant Paar was loaded onto a gurney and rolled into a turbolift Leo made a move to follow. 

Pavel grabbed him by the shoulder. “Leo, you shouldn't perform this surgery.”

“What?” Leo looked at him like he was crazy or questioning his medical expertise which was the same as crazy. “Why on Earth not?”

“You are too attached to the patient,” Pavel said sharply. “Give all the information to Doctor M'Benga so that he can operate on her.”

Leo exhaled so sharply that it almost echoed across the shuttle bay. He glanced down. “You know.” 

“Please, it isn't right.”

It wasn't. Leo had treated him many times, even while they were together, but he had never needed emergency surgery. If God forbid he ever did, he didn't want it performed by someone he was having sex with.

“You're right, I'll... I'll ask Jeffrey to do it.” Leo was nodding and his hand twitched like he wanted to touch Pavel. “I – I have to go.”

“Yes, go,” Pavel nodded and watched Leo get into a turbo lift that would take him up to Sickbay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope someone's still reading this story!


	10. Chapter 10

The initial debriefing was quick and painless. Pavel didn't spend more than five minutes in the Captain's ready room before he was dismissed with strict instructions to keep the details of the attack on Lieutenant Paar to himself. There would probably be a formal hearing later. 

Commander Spock had been the first to see the Captain and Hikaru was next in line. It wasn't the usual order, but Pavel was a key witness to what had happened which made him important.

It wasn't a pleasant feeling. 

He traded nods with Hikaru on his way out and took the turbo lift down to the deck where his quarters were. 

There had been no word from Sickbay but Doctor M'Benga was a gifted surgeon. He'd have Lieutenant Paar patched up and ready for the rack in no time.

Was there usually a rack involved? Maybe a collapsable one that could be stored in the closet when it wasn't being used. Maybe Leo had smuggled it aboard in parts and assembled it in his quarters? 

He'd never seen Leo use a screwdriver... Maybe the specs were stored in the ship's computer and the parts had been replicated. Maybe... 

Pavel changed into his running clothes and headed for the gym. An hour on the treadmill would get these ridiculous thoughts out of his head.

Unlike the rest of the cadets, Pavel had been too young to rely on sex or alcohol to alleviate the stress at the Academy. He had turned to the track instead and was still running daily, five years into his Starfleet career. It was the only method of stress relief that always worked for him. 

Today was no exception.

After fifteen kilometers, his calves were aching but his head was clear enough to see things for what they were. Leo had a niche interest. He had found someone who shared this niche interest. It wasn't some dark secret, just a private relationship between two Officers that was handled discreetly. Those weren't uncommon. He'd almost had one or two of those himself when he was younger. 

Still, he had to admit that he was... undereducated on this particular matter. 

If he was ever going to make his peace with why Leo had left him, he had to understand it.

 

The lights had been dimmed in the recovery room and the reassuring sounds from the monitors were almost hypnotic. Leonard had spent the last four hours in his quarters until Christine had sent the word that the surgery had been uneventful and that the patient was in recovery.

Khadile's eyes were unfocused and she blinked slowly in an effort to meet his gaze. 

He carefully placed his hand on her cheek. The monitor told him that her fever was coming down but he needed to feel it to believe it.

“Shh, take it easy. The anesthesia is still wearing off.”

“Am I... “ 

“The surgery was successful. Your bowel was perforated, but Doctor M'Benga repaired all of the damage. You'll be on bedrest for a few days, but you're going to make a complete recovery.” 

“That's - that's a relief,” Khadile closed her eyes and coughed.

Leonard raised the head of the bed and gave her some water to sip through a straw. His hands ached to touch her again and he ended up curling his fingers around her elbow. It wasn't lust, it was a reassurance. 

Someone who was under his care had almost gotten injured beyond repair and that made him responsible, even though he'd had nothing to do with the injury.

“Why'd you go off and do something like that, huh? All alone?” 

“It needed to be done,” Khadile said softly and let out a yawn. “I didn't tell the other officers because I didn't want to incriminate them. I take full responsibility. No matter what the consequences will be, it was the right course of action.”

Leonard had seen his fair share of abuse victims over the years and he knew how difficult it was to prosecute those cases. But at least within the Federation, there were places to turn, institutions that would try to help someone out of a dangerous situation. 

He couldn't imagine what it was like to be abused in a vulnerable society that didn't have a real justice system. A rush of pride welled up inside of him and he busied himself with stroking the back of Khadile's wrist and studying the monitors. 

Her cheeks were slowly returning to their normal shade of blue and her antennae were squirming slightly on the pillow as they regained their strength. “I thought you would perform the surgery, Leonard.”

“Yeah, that's not really advisable. Operating on someone you... you're intimate with. M'Benga doesn't know,” he added quickly when he saw her eyes widen. “Neither does the Captain.” 

He squared his shoulders and faced the challenge head-on. “Lieutenant Chekov knows, but he won't tell anyone. Don't worry.”

Khadile made a sudden move to sit up but he pushed gently on her shoulders until she relented. Her eyes narrowed in suspicion as she relaxed against the bed. 

“Did you inform him?”

“No, no, I wouldn't. We decided to keep this between us, remember? Look, the technician I was working with, Ristane, she, uh, had to cut your uniform open and...” Leonard ran a hand through his hair and sighed. There was no way to say this that wouldn't be awkward.

“Lieutenant Chekov and I used to be involved. We broke up weeks ago, but he has some familiarity with pain play and drew his own conclusions when he saw the marks on you.” There was no need to go into further detail. “I should have told you about him, and I'm sorry, but I promise, he's not going to tell anyone.”

“I see,” Khadile said sharply and the softness was gone from her eyes. “This is most unfortunate. If you had informed me of your past association with him, I would have cleared my skin before going down to the planet.” 

It was obvious that she was bothered by someone knowing about her most private affairs, but there was something else as well. 

A loss of power. 

If Leonard had told her about Pasha before Pasha had figured things out, she would have had the upper hand. Now, she probably felt like she'd been made a fool of and it was all Leonard's fault. 

“I'm sorry, Khadile. I should have told you before we went down there.” 

He reached out to touch her cheek again but drew back when he felt how still she was. There was no flinch from her, no reaction at all. It was like she couldn't feel his touch any longer. 

Khadile tilted her head and nodded. “I forgive you, Doctor. Now, please, I need my rest.” 

Leonard swallowed thickly. “I'll get out of your way.” 

 

It was almost dinnertime when Leonard had psyched himself up for what was bound to be the most awkward conversation of his life, but luckily, the computer informed him that Lieutenant Chekov wasn't in the mess hall. He was on the Observation Deck, all alone, and Leonard found him staring intently at the blur of light that was the warp stream. 

“A bit pointless to be stargazing while we're at warp, don't you think?”

Pasha must not have heard him come in because he flinched in surprise at being spoken to. When he saw that it was Leonard he visibly relaxed. 

“Actually, it is the best time to visit the Observation Deck. No one else comes here while we are at warp. How is Lieutenant Paar?”

“Awake. The surgery went smoothly and she'll live to see the wrath of the Admiralty.”

Pasha winced in sympathy and patted the seat next to him. “I'm so sorry, Leo. She's an excellent officer.”

Leonard wrestled with himself for a few moments before letting his instincts win. He sat down on the padded bench and made sure that no part of his body was touching Pasha's. 

“I'm guessing you can't talk about what you saw, right?”

“I'm sorry, I can't.” Pasha looked apologetic. “At least not until after the inquiry. You understand that you will be questioned as well?”

It was standard procedure after an incident like this. Leonard would be asked about the placement of the stab wound, how critical the injury had been, if the patient had said anything to him that might indicate her guilt. 

“I figured.” He nodded and wrung his hands together. “Listen, I don't want you to get the wrong idea about... about her and me.” 

“Oh?”

“It's not what you think,” Leonard said quickly, but then he realized that he didn't have a clue what Pasha was actually thinking. “I mean...”

The crease between Pasha's eyebrows got deeper and his body tensed up a little, but only so little that you wouldn't be able to tell unless you knew him really well. 

“What I think is that the two of you are having a mutually satisfying consensual relationship.” Pasha's tone was painfully measured. “Is my assessment correct?” 

“Yeah.” Leonard let out a deep sigh. “That's correct. Except for the fact that she just broke up with me.” 

“I'm sorry, Leo.” Pasha was frowning now. “I was very happy for your sake.”

Of course Pasha had been happy for him. He was a walking wonder of selflessness and compassion. Leonard was blessed to have him as a friend. 

“She didn't take too kindly to me not telling her about you.”

“Oh, no! Did you tell her that things are over between us? I have also moved on, Leo. Maybe I can tell her that? Once the inquiry is over, I mean.”

Leonard was smart enough to know what 'moving on' meant. Pasha was having sex with other people. Maybe he was even involved with someone. Leonard sure hoped that was the case. 

“That's sweet, but I don't think she's jealous of you. Just disappointed with me for my lack of honesty.” 

Despite the guilt he felt, it wasn't a great loss for Leonard. His relationship with Khadile had been purely physical. Amazingly physical, but that was about it. Outside of a scene they didn't really have much in common and he was old enough now to realize how important it was to build a relationship on something more than just sex. 

There was suddenly a hand on his shoulder, squeezing gently. 

“I'm still sorry, Leo. I hope you'll find someone who makes you very happy. You deserve it.”

The sense memory of Pasha clinging to him on the floor of the hospital made Leonard's heart ache. It had just been a side-effect of the poisoning. Nothing else. 

“Thanks, kid. You're a great friend.”

“I will let that one slip, seeing as you are under distress.” Pasha grinned and threw his arm around Leonard's shoulder in a friendly manner. “You wish to sit with me for a while? I can tell you all about the stars we are passing while we cannot see them. Then we'll go to the mess and have some dinner, yes?”

Leonard had been through the post-break-up treatment before, though he'd usually been on the other side of it, coaxing Jim to get his mind off some alien woman he swore had been the one. He was grateful that Pasha cared enough to do the same for him. 

“Sure. Sounds like a plan.”

 

The formal inquiry was uncomfortable for everyone involved, but in the end, Captain Kirk was able to talk the Admiralty out of a court-martial. Lieutenant Paar was confined to quarters for thirty days and demoted to Ensign, but her career in Starfleet would continue.

The loss of all privileges associated with the rank of Lieutenant meant moving out of her private quarters. Luckily, the news of her actions on Lule III had spread and her new roommate welcomed her with open arms. 

When Ensign Paar appeared in the rec room after her confinement had ended, spontaneous applause broke out. Hikaru shook her hand and gifted her a bottle of Cognac Pavel knew had cost him a lot of credits. It wasn't unexpected; Hikaru was the father of a daughter, after all.

Life on the Enterprise continued as it always had, although Leo seemed to be more subdued than usual. He was mourning the loss of an expression of identity, an outlet, Pavel knew now as he had started conducting his own private studies.

Pavel had read more than a dozen academic articles from esteemed psychological journals and hundreds of threads on informal subspace forums. He knew that people who identified as sadists weren't more likely to commit rape or other violent crimes than the general population was. He knew that the veto power in a scene always belonged to the submissive and that the BDSM community on Earth valued consent above all else. 

Pavel read about the brain's pain-pleasure connection and the release of endorphins that a controlled affliction of pain could bring. He read manuals about the safety of bondage, needle play, and flogging, and about the importance of aftercare. 

He even probed the Campus subspace channels for details about Leo's past in the San Fransisco scene, but either the practitioneers were incredibly discreet or he wasn't searching in the right places, because he didn't find any anecdotes he could attribute to Leo. 

Finally, he did something he wasn't proud of.

He hacked into Leo's personal catalog on the ship's server and downloaded his most frequently viewed vids.

By the tags and thumbnails, he could classify some of them as surgeries, a couple as vids from Joanna, and at least half a dozen more as musical performances. The Earth genre Country Western, by the looks of it.

At last, he had narrowed it down to four conspicuosly labeled short films that Leo had watched more than a hundred times each. 

Pavel propped up his PADD against the foot of the bed, made himself comfortable, and clicked on the one that by the description seemed to feature two women. 

The vid opened up on a young white woman whose arms were shackled with chains hanging from the ceiling. Her legs were free and Pavel took this as a sign that the scene wouldn't be too hardcore for his tastes.

She had a body type that reminded him of Irina, his first girlfriend at the Academy. It was a runner's body, with slender hips and small but perky breasts with nipples that were stiff from either excitement or cold. Her blond hair was long and tied in a ponytail, just like Irina's had been. 

Pavel undid his zipper and gave his cock an experimental stroke.

Another woman came into view. She was just as beautiful, with a darker complexion and a body that had been toned to perfection through gym training and a healthy diet. 

“I'm going to hurt you so much,” she said seductively and held up a short hypodermic needle with a ring attached to the end.

The blonde moaned as her left breast was grabbed but the view was obstructed so you couldn't see exactly what was going on. 

The other woman moved slightly to tear open a package and Pavel's cock wilted in his hand. For one terrifying second, he thought that the needle had pierced through the blond woman's nipple but then he realized that it had been placed just under it. There was a small drop of blood and he felt cold all over, which was weird because he saw plenty of blood on away missions. 

Accidents and violent attacks were part of the job, but this was something completely different.

This was personal and calculated and something Leo had gotten off to more than a hundred times. Pavel forced himself to look at it from an academic point of view, to study it as he would an alien ritual he didn't understand. 

Soon he realized that he was actually watching an interaction even though no words were spoken. The blonde girl would moan and writhe every time a needle was inserted and the brunette would step back and study her face carefully. Even their movements seemed coordinated; reaching and following, flinching and pulling away. 

After a while, it was almost mesmerizing to watch. The brunette calmly pierced the blonde's right breast, her stomach, her pelvic region and finally her thighs. At long last, she attached an intricate link of chains to each needle and gathered the ends up in her hand.

“I'm so proud of you, baby. You're taking it really well,” she said softly and the other girl squirmed in her chains, inching forward as if to keep the strain off of her wounds. Blood was dripping down her stomach and Pavel desperately hoped dermal regeneration was in her near future.

She let out a pained cry as the needle under her left nipple was twisted and a tear ran down her cheek. 

“Shh... I know, I know,” the other woman said softly and tugged sharply with her hand. 

Pavel's breath was caught in his throat and his free hand clenched into a fist. Rage welled up inside of him at the sound of screaming and he couldn't tear his eyes away from the PADD even though he wanted to.

The blonde was sobbing violently but those sobs turned to moans again as the other woman started rubbing her clit. The blonde was pressing closer, arching up into the touch of her tormentor, and the look on her face as she orgasmed was one of absolute bliss. Her head fell on the other woman's shoulder and Pavel could only stare, his rage completely forgotten. 

Soft giggles were heard and the two women were suddenly kissing sweetly, rubbing their noses together in an adorable way. The darker woman wrapped her arms around her companion and the chains she was holding were dropped to the floor. “Think we gave them a good show, babe?” 

The vid ended abruptly and Pavel was staring at the dark screen of his PADD for almost a minute. His mind was racing but two truths stood out: 

Firstly, that this was a consensual encounter that required a massive amount of trust between partners. 

Secondly, that this was something he would never, ever, be into.

When Leo had hinted at his kinky side, Pavel had been eager to please and so in love that he was up for anything. He had half-listened to Leo's lecture and hadn't used his safeword even when it had become clear he wasn't enjoying himself. Nothing Leo had done to him had been against his will, but it hadn't been fun either. 

As Hikaru would put it, Pavel simply wasn't wired this way. He was attracted to men, yes. He was deathly attracted to Leo. But no matter how much he trusted Leo – and he trusted him with his life – he would never be turned on by being hurt by him. 

With shaking hands he turned the PADD off and went about his evening routine. He brushed his teeth, changed into his favorite pajamas and went to sleep feeling none of the peace he'd been hoping to find.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have borrowed the bit about Pavel telling Leonard about the stars they cannot see while they are at warp from a wonderful fic called "Cabin Fever Boy" by Jaune_Chat.


	11. Chapter 11

The nebula was a beast, stretching out for hundreds of light years and filled with enough dust and ionized gas to make the systems on the ship tingle even from their safe distance. 

If Pavel would describe the nebula he'd say it looked like a multi-colored table cloth that rippled across the sky. Sprinkled across the cloth were thousands of diamonds and though he knew that the shades of magenta and cobalt were simply emission from hydrogen and oxygen atoms it didn't make it any less beautiful. 

The nebula was magnificent. Spectacular. Awe-inspiring.

“It's big,” Pavel said.

“That is an understatement, Lieutenant,” Commander Spock said with what passed as amusement for a Vulcan. “Although technically correct. It would take the Enterprise more than five months to pass through it, were we to attempt it.”

“I agree with Lieutenant Chekov's assessment, Commander.” Hikaru nodded to the viewscreen, jaw clenched. “It's big, all right. One might even say it's... enveloping.” 

Commander Spock frowned. “We are not flying through the nebula, Lieutenant.” 

“I know, Sir,” Hikaru spun his chair around to face the Commander and Pavel wanted to hide his face from the rest of the bridge crew. Or hit Hikaru. Hard. 

“I'm just saying,” Hikaru said innocently. “If we _were_ inside it – it would envelop us. Don't you agree?”

Pavel bit the inside of his cheek. 

Fist. Hikaru's jaw. 

“Lieutenant, I fail to see –” Spock said and then there was the familiar sound of the turbolift doors opening. 

It was Captain Kirk, and Pavel had never been happier to see him. Well, maybe that one time on Altamid. 

Pavel took advantage of the shift in attention on the bridge to shoot Hikaru his iciest glare. Hikaru just smirked, like the insufferable big brother he was. 

“Lieutenant Chekov,” the Captain's voice rang out clear as day. “Call for your replacement. You're needed down in Engineering.” 

Engineering? If Mr. Scott needed his immediate assistance there must be something very wrong but nothing in the Captain's posture suggested it. 

“Aye, Sir.”

 

It took Pavel two minutes to make it down to Engineering but that was enough time to run through several disaster scenarios in his head. But when he arrived he found Mr. Scott deep in thought, frowning at one of the monitors with the rest of the engineering crew perfectly calm at their stations. If there was an emergency, it was a minor one. One that Mr. Scott and his team were more than capable of handling themselves. 

“You wanted me, Sir?”

“Hmm?” Mr. Scott barely looked up and Pavel felt irritation well up inside him. “Oh, right. We've had some minor fluctuations in output. I'm running a sweep on the warp engines now.”

That was it? 

“It is probably radiation from the nebula, Sir,” Pavel tried to keep the confusion out of his voice. “We should be safe at this distance.”

Mr. Scott turned back to his monitor. “Aye, but we can't be too sure, can we? You're the one who recalibrated the dilithium chamber last. You've got the baseline stored in that giant brain of yours, haven't you?”

“Yes, Sir. I know what to look for. May I?” Pavel smiled politely and found himself a free work station. The sooner he'd get this done, the sooner he'd be back on the bridge. Hopefully, Hikaru had filled his teasing-quota for the day and the rest of Alpha shift would be smooth sailing. 

After verifying that the antiproton injection seal was secure and that the dilithium regulator was functioning at optimal capacity, Pavel spared a few minutes going through the adjacent systems. Mr. Scott would get to it soon enough, but Pavel was quicker and he was... well he was already there, wasn't he? 

Might as well make himself useful. Like cleaning up in Sickbay after the siege had ended. Broken glass and blood had been everywhere and Leo had been scrubbing his hands furiously, shaking badly. Pavel had known then that Leo was in desperate need of someone familiar to sit with him, to soothe his fears and reassure him that the world hadn't ended even though it looked like it. Pavel had been happy to be that someone. 

Wait...

He brought back the part of the schematics he'd just scrolled by and switched to the temperature filter. 

“Hey, Mr. Scott! There's about to be a fire in this section!”

Mr. Scott was instantly at his shoulder. He took one look at the rising temperature and groaned. “Just what we need. I'll call the fire department. Goddamnit, we'll be stranded here for a whole day!”

Pavel took off running before his brain had finished calculating. Like the old Enterprise, the Enterprise-A was equipped with a shipwide carbon dioxide sprinkler system. It was a highly sophisticated system that quickly and gently put out fires with minimal damage to the electronic components. The only problem was that the system had been pre-emptively locked out while they were passing by the nebula. It would take two minutes to bring it back online and three minutes for the fire department to access the affected circuits.

Pavel could make it in one.

Even a small fire would mean an evacuation of the Engineering section and emergency shut down of the warp engines. Being stranded near the nebula for hours would wreak further havoc on their sensors which was an unthinkable consequence when the problem would be so easy to fix. 

He had gotten the hatch open and had already climbed in with a fire extinguisher when Mr. Scott caught up with him. 

“The fire department's on their way, lad! Don't be stupid!”

Pavel didn't have time for being polite.

“And do any of them fit in the Jeffries tube? I fit. Now, close the hatch behind me,” he said sharply and was only a little shocked when his superior officer did exactly as he was told.

“That is better,” he muttered to himself and crawled as quickly as he could to the damaged section. 

The second hatch was a little heavier and when he got it open it was like crawling into a wall of heat. He struggled with the hatch to close it behind him as to not feed the fire any more oxygen than it had already consumed. At the back of his mind, a voice was yelling at him, telling him this wasn't right, that he was way off in his calculations. The fire was growing much faster than he had anticipated and the carbon dioxide in his little extinguisher wouldn't be enough to put it out. Pavel took a deep breath and moved as quickly as he could over the curved floor. He was already there, he would deal with the problem at hand just like he always did. 

Black smoke was billowing up through the narrow tube and he tried to keep as close to the floor as possible. The faulty section was a few meters away and he just needed to get a little closer for the extinguisher to work. He could already see the flames licking through the cables and he understood now why so many cultures thought of fire as a living entity. 

When he got as close as was necessary, Pavel sat back on his heels and held the extinguisher up. 

Running a marathon had taught him to control his breathing, but the smoke was tickling his nose and he instinctively coughed and opened his mouth. 

The smoke was putrid and acidic. Like breathing in poison.

As through a miracle, he was able to compose himself enough to get the safety off, aim directly at the fire and squeeze the trigger. The white cloud rushed out with a hissing sound and the flames disappeared, smothered by the carbon dioxide. As soon as the extinguisher was empty he dropped it unceremoniously and turned to crawl back the way he came. 

There was still a lot of smoke and Pavel suddenly remembered what the instructor had said at the latest fire drill; that it's rarely the fire that kills you. 

He had to clear his lungs from the poison, had to breathe, and Pavel pressed his face as far down into the floor as he could and gave into temptation. His eyes were watering so badly that he couldn't see anything and he realized that this was it. This was how it was all going to end. 

 

Something filthy was in his mouth, in his lungs, and he had to get it out of him or he was going to... Pavel was choking and then his head was tilted back by cool, slender hands and fresh air was going in through his nose. He wasn't choking, he could breathe.

He opened his eyes. Nurse Chapel. He was alive. 

“Easy, there, Lieutenant. You gave the Doctor quite a scare.”

There were loud voices in the distance but Pavel could only focus on the clean air going into his lungs through the narrow tube. It was pure bliss. 

 

Leo was furious. 

“I asked the Captain to punish you. Severely.”

“For saving the ship?” 

Shit, it hurt to speak. Pavel's mouth and throat felt like they had been sandpapered and he tried to lift his hand but it refused to cooperate. “Water.” 

“Shut up.” 

Leo ground his jaws together and prepped a hypospray. His hands shook and when he jammed the hypo against Pavel's neck, it actually hurt.

“Ow!”

“I said: shut up!” The hypo was thrown on a metal tray with a clang. “You got a hero complex? Trying to be a martyr? You goldshirts are all the fucking same.” 

“I-” Pavel wanted to say that he was nothing like Captain Kirk, that he had taken a calculated risk, not relied on blind luck, but the words died as Leo gripped his wrist and elbow so hard that it was uncomfortable. 

“Maybe some time in the brig will straighten you out, huh?” Leo's eyes were dark and his teeth were clenched between words. “Although if I had any say, you'd be strung up on the observation deck and caned like in the good old days. God knows you deserve it.” 

A sharp exhale later he had moved away like he couldn't stand the sight of Pavel any longer. His back was turned and his shoulders were trembling, a sure sign of the tears he was holding back.

Pavel's heart sped up and he was suddenly just as dizzy as he had been in the Jeffries tube. “You're still in love with me.”

“Jesus Christ,” Leo turned and stalked back towards him with a menacing look on his face, but Pavel could never be scared of him.

The conversation he'd had with Hikaru back in the rain forest before the storm had broken out was vivid in his mind. “It is true. You do love me. I'm sorry I scared you, Leo. It must have been awful for you.”

Leo looked like someone had struck him. He made a whimpering noise at the back of his throat and reached for something. “We're not discussing this now, Lieutenant.”

Another hypo was pressed against Pavel's neck and this time it made his eyelids heavy. 

 

Leonard had only been through a few situations as terrifying as this. Jim's temporary death, that time Joanna had been missing for eight hours before they'd found her hiding in the outhouse; but that was about it. With a small twinge of guilt, he realized that he hadn't been this scared at the prospect of Khadile dying, even though he'd certainly worried for the minutes it had taken him to stabilize her for transport. 

What he had felt down on that planet hadn't even come close to the abject horror that had gripped him when the firefighters had carried Pasha in on a stretcher. They hadn't been able to vent the smoke from the Jeffries tube for fear of re-igniting the fire, so Pasha had been breathing it in for almost a minute. 

If it wasn't for the regeneration chamber and the short response time of the firefighters, Pasha would be dead now. And that...

That settled things.

After his shift had ended he returned to his quarters to shower and change, and then Leonard McCoy did the only thing left to do. He swallowed his pride.

Pasha had been put on bed rest after being discharged and when Leonard stood in the corridor after requesting entry to Pasha's quarters he was as nervous as a teenager. 

“Leo?”

There were dark circles under Pasha's eyes and he was even more pale than usual, but to Leonard, he was the brightest thing in the room. 

“You're right.” Leonard's palms were sweaty and he had to be looking like a wreck, but at least he was done running away. “That's what I came to tell you–you're absolutely right.”

A confused look came across Pasha's face as Leonard stepped over the threshhold and let the automatic doors close behind him. What followed was probably one of the most telegraphed kisses in history. He didn't want to scare the man he loved again, not when he'd come so close to losing him.

Pasha's mouth was so willing against his and his face so soft under Leonard's fingertips that it almost hurt to think about. Leonard reluctantly tore himself away after a while and pressed his lips against the corners of Pasha's mouth, the tip of his nose and finally his forehead. 

“I've got it bad, darlin'. You don't even know how crazy I am about you. I've been trying so hard to hide it, but I can't stand to any longer. Not when we're two inches from death at any given moment.”

“Leo...” 

Pasha tried to turn his head away but Leonard wouldn't let him and they ended up nuzzled together once more. Pasha smelled like Starfleet-issued soap and toothpaste and it was the sexiest thing in the world. 

“Nothing has changed, Leo. I will not be able to give you what you want.”

Leonard moved back a little so he could look into those beautiful eyes and he cupped Pasha's face like it was the most precious thing he'd ever put his hands on. “What I want is to spend the rest of my life making love to you any way that you want it.”

Pasha sighed and finally succeeded in tearing himself free. “That might satisfy you for a while, yes. Perhaps even for years. But eventually, you will be miserable. Unfulfilled.” He tipped his chin up, just like he'd done all those weeks ago when they had broken up. “I don't wish to end up like your ex-wife.”

Jocelyn? Why would – 

Leonard almost laughed and he kissed Pasha again until the urge had passed. Pasha just looked confused and frustrated when he was let go. 

“Please, Leo, I am serious.”

“I'm an idiot, I should have told you; she's the one who got me into it. It was the only thing we had going for us after a while, except for Joanna, and probably why we stuck together longer than we damn well should have.” 

“Oh.” Pasha was frowning. “Oh, I thought...” 

Leonard felt like kicking himself.

“Sweetheart, you shouldn't worry about making me miserable; I'm miserable without you. Just tell me if you'll have me or not because I'm dying here.”

Leonard had always sucked at gambling, had never been good at calculating the odds, but he must have played his cards right this time because Pasha was suddenly hugging him tightly. 

“Yes, Leo. Yes, I will have you.” 

Actually hearing the words sure was something and Leonard would have cried if Pasha hadn't taken his hand and pulled him over to the unmade bed.

“I hope my doctor clears me for sexual activity,” Pasha said with a grin that turned into a yawn as he sat down a little too quickly on the edge of the bed. “Though I probably shouldn't do anything too acrobatic until I've recovered.”

Leonard was half-tempted to tuck Pasha in under the covers and order him to sleep, but something told him that wouldn't go over well. He reached for Pasha's hand instead and kissed it reverently. “All you have to do is lie there, darlin'.” 

“Hmm. Lie back and take it?” Pasha obligingly raised his arms so that Leonard could pull off his sweatshirt. 

“You'll like it. Promise.” Leonard dropped a quick kiss on Pasha's lips and ignored the small flare-up of guilt. 

When the sweatpants and underwear had both come off, Leonard directed Pasha to lie on his back and spread his legs. Leonard made himself comfortable between them and wrapped his hand around the base of the beautiful cock he'd missed so much. 

It was a decent size, perfectly pink and had a slight upcurve, the kind that hit all the best spots if that was your thing. “Did anyone ever tell you this a perfect cock?”

“Yes, actually.” Pasha blushed a little and one day Leonard would get him to tell the story behind that blush. “But I like it best when you say it.”

Leonard was more than happy to oblige. “Your cock is perfect, Pasha, just like the rest of you. Feels great to hold.” He leaned down and licked a broad swathe from root to tip, enjoying the light taste of sweat and freshly washed skin. “It's about to feel great in my mouth, too.” 

“That's good, I - oh!” 

Pasha's hips bucked up from the bed and Leonard pulled back a little so he could wrap his lips around the glans penis and slobber all over it just like he wanted. God, he had missed this so much.

He sucked gently for a few minutes and worked the rest of Pasha's magnificent cock with his hand in sure, steady strokes. Every once in a while he'd take a break to blow teasing puffs of hot air that earned him those frustrated groans he loved to hear. When it was clear that Pasha couldn't take the teasing any longer, Leonard dove back in and sucked hard until his mouth was flooded and his lover spent. He swallowed easily and crawled back up the bed to cuddle.

“That good, huh?” 

“Yes, very good,” Pasha said breathlessly and Leonard was pulled in for a kiss that had his head swimming and his cock twitching.

Later, when he'd come all over Pasha's stomach and they were side by side, nose to nose, Pasha put a hand on Leonard's cheek and nodded resolutely.

“We will figure something out, Leo. Don't worry, we will be okay.” 

It wasn't clear who he was trying to reassure at this point; himself or Leonard, or maybe both of them.

“We'll be okay, yeah,” Leonard admitted and realized he didn't have a single doubt about it.


	12. Chapter 12

_Much later_

Leonard went up to the wrong floor by accident and was only saved from an incredibly awkward interaction by the hideous wreath hanging on the door. 

He returned to the turbolift and made sure he pressed the right button this time. 

He was... yeah, he was more out of it than he'd thought. Most likely, he was coming down from a massive endorphin rush which combined with how much he'd exerted himself tonight was enough to make him light-headed, even though he hadn't had a drop of alcohol. 

Well, it had _been_ a while.

After double-checking that yes, he was at the right door, he keyed it open and stepped inside. The lights were on in the small apartment but it was dead quiet except for the soft snoring coming from the bed.

Pasha was lying fully clothed on top of the covers, sound asleep and Leonard... Leonard just didn't have the heart to wake him. 

He was going to take care of his erection in the shower and then he was going to see if he couldn't somehow maneuver the two of them in under the covers where they belonged.

Leonard put his bag down on the floor, took his jacket off and sat on the edge of the bed to remove his boots. The slight dip of the bed was enough for Pasha to stir and Leonard turned to look over his shoulder just in time to see Pasha's blue eyes blink open. 

“What time is it?” 

“Ten minutes after two,” Leonard said with a twinge of guilt. “You can go back to sleep, darlin'. It's all right.” 

“What? No, no.” Pasha sat up suddenly and swung his legs over the side of the bed. “I'm awake.” He yawned. “Or I will be soon enough.” 

He walked over to the small replicator in the corner and ordered an espresso that he gulped down before turning back to Leonard. He was wearing sweatpants and a short sleeved tee with the Academy's emblem on it. A patch of red skin peeked up under the shirt collar and Leonard could easily guess where and how far it extended. Pasha was one of those people who never tanned, just got sunburned, and Leonard was going to chide him for it in the morning before he healed it up. 

“You know caffeine isn't effective until you've been awake for an hour, right?”

“It is effective on me.” Pasha smiled slyly and sat down next to Leonard on the bed. He took Leonard's hand and started tracing the palm with his fingertips. “I set the alarm to midnight because you had said you'd be home by then, but then I fell asleep waiting for you. You are hurt,” he looked pointedly at Leonard's palm. 

Yeah, Leonard had a few scrapes, none of them bad. He was actually happy for them. He enjoyed having a visual reminder of the hard work he'd put in and the way Pasha was touching them now, so softly, made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. “I should have commed, but I was kept pretty busy.” 

“This does not surprise me. You are very famous. I can imagine it now; all those people lined up, waiting for you to make them feel good.” Pasha's voice had taken on a playful tone and he brought Leonard's palm up to his lips; all trace of sleepiness gone. “You can tell me about it while I undress you.”

Leonard obligingly stood and sifted through his memories for stories to tell that wouldn't freak Pasha out. It was getting easier every time they did this. 

“One gentleman asked me to cane him.”

“Was he human?” 

Leonard nodded and Pasha nodded too like this was important information to file away. He started undoing the buttons on Leonard's shirt, one by one. His fingers were deft and he was so close that Leonard would just have to move an inch to kiss him. 

“On what parts of his body did you hit him with the cane?”

The shirt had come off and Pasha was undoing the buttons on his jeans now.

“Ass and thighs. He kept asking me to hit him harder. ” 

Pasha made a little noise of approval and tugged the jeans down until all Leonard had to do was step out of them. Instead of standing back up, Pasha rubbed his nose against Leonard's half-hard cock through the fabric of his boxers and looked up with a grin.

“You smell like sex. Did you cream your jeans, Leo?”

Leonard groaned and tugged on Pasha's chin to get him to stand up. “Don't ever use that expression again, kid.“

He hadn't actually come in his pants tonight, but it had been close a few times. 

“Oh, now I know you mean business,” Pasha said with a laugh and shed his own clothes as quickly as only a twenty-five-year-old on a caffeine rush could. 

Leonard had been right about the sunburn. Pasha's shoulders and collarbone were an angry shade of red, a sign that he'd taken his shirt off at some point and had forgotten to bring his SPF50. He had obviously realized his mistake too late. The easily distinguishable scent of aloe mixed with the smells of arousal and it brought Leonard back to that shore leave, three years earlier, just before everything had gone to shit. Who would have thought that this is where they'd end up? He sure as hell hadn't.

Pasha's hands were suddenly on his hips, flat and warm as they slipped under the lining of his boxers. “Don't worry, Leo. I will put an end to this suffering of yours,” he said with a grin and pushed the boxers down over Leonard's hips and knees. 

The underwear was left on the floor to be fed to the recycler in the morning, and Leonard allowed himself to be pulled over to the bed. They sat on top of it for a while, kissing lazily with Pasha straddling his lap. 

“Did he cry afterward?”

Leonard had been so distracted by their little make-out session that he had to steer his brain back to the topic at hand. He shook his head. 

“He thanked me. He's not the crying type, I think. Haven't seen him before.”

“Did you enjoy caning him?” Pasha pulled back to look at him, hands clasped around the back of Leonard's neck. There was no judgment or worry in his eyes, only playfulness. 

“A lot, yeah. I enjoyed it a lot.” Leonard reached between them and gave Pasha's cock a playful tug to demonstrate his gratitude. 

“Did – ah! Did you make anyone cry?” 

“Sure.” He'd done some fairly innovative needlework that had left a young Tellarite in tears, but it was a story Pasha wouldn't enjoy hearing. “Human woman, mid-forties with impressive biceps. She looked like a real tough lady, but she cried like a baby when I was done with her.”

Pasha moved out of Leonard's lap and scooted back until he could rub his cheek against Leonard's erection. The sun had gotten to his face too, but he must have been smarter about protecting himself there because it wasn't nearly as red as some other parts of him were. He looked up and raised his eyebrows expectantly. “Leo, what did you do to her?”

“I put clamps on her nipples. Tweezer clamps, with rubber sheaths.” 

Pasha hummed in agreement as though he knew exactly what Leonard was talking about and bent to suck the tip of Leonard's cock into his mouth.

Leonard's arousal had waxed and waned over the course of the evening but the wet, warm suction had him hard as a rock in an instant. He ran his fingers through Pasha's hair and found it rough and tangled from salt water. His hand trailed lower and curved around a bicep that was just as impressive as those of the woman he was talking about. 

Pasha had gotten serious about weight lifting in the last year and had filled out quite a bit, looking more like a combatant than a runner. It didn't make him any less beautiful. 

Pasha let the tip fall from his mouth and glanced up at Leonard. He smacked his lips. “Did I ask you to stop talking?” 

“Sorry, darlin'.” Leonard knew an order when he heard one. He tried to picture what the woman's back had looked like when he was done, tried to remember the handle of the flogger in his hand, tried very hard not to lose his composure when his aching cock was welcomed back into Pasha's mouth. 

“I flogged her until her back was red and then I released the clamps. All that blood rushing back in really, uh...” He had to look away from the sight of Pasha licking down his frenulum enthusiastically. “It's quite painful. Then I just kept flogging her until she sobbed.” And came really hard, judging by the sounds. “She had a friend to take her home, she could barely stand.” 

Pasha moved his head away again and this time he sat back on his heels to study Leonard. “You must have hurt her very badly,” he said softly and leaned forward. 

Leonard was expecting a kiss but Pasha sucked gently on one of his nipples instead, as if he was drawing a clear line between what Leonard did with other people and what happened between the two of them. 

Not that the line needed to be any clearer. On the Enterprise, Leonard's toys were stored in the bottom drawer of their wardrobe and Pasha knew not to look there. Leonard never touched anyone's genitals –outside of what was needed for treating patients– and no one touched his. He never told Pasha something he didn't ask to hear and when he did ask, Leonard always answered truthfully. Truthfully, but with consideration to Pasha's limits.

A slim tube was slapped in his palm and Pasha stretched out on the bed, not even wincing as his sunburned skin made contact with the mattress. His smile was soft and everything about his body language said that he was happy to be where he was. “Go on. You know how I like it.” 

“You tired of my voice already?”

That made Pasha giggle. “Oh, I feel sorry for you, Leo. You've been turned on all night with no release.” His grin widened as he spread his legs, giving Leonard some room to work with and a really nice view. “I should come with you next time and pleasure you between sessions. Everyone there would be so jealous of me!”

Leonard's first two fingers met no resistance but he knew better than to rush it. Pasha liked it when he was loose and wet and so stimulated that he was on the verge of coming. 

“I'll go as far as letting you wait in an adjoining room,” Leonard said and curled his fingers.

 

Last time they'd been on Earth, Pasha had taken him to a photographical exhibition in Los Angeles. He had been very secretive about the nature of the exhibition which had only added to Leonard's surprise once they arrived. Leonard was neither an exhibitionist nor a voyeur, so he didn't really get the appeal, but if nothing else he could appreciate the accuracy. Some artistic license had been taken, but all in all, it was a pretty honest depiction of a metropolitan BDSM-scene.

Pasha had been inquisitive and non-judgemental as they walked through the exhibition, though he had talked less the further into it they got. When they had come upon a large display of CBT that had left Leonard feeling nostalgic, Pasha had been white as a sheet and Leonard had made up some excuse for them to leave.

 

“I'm ready now,” Pasha trembled as he spoke the words, fingers curled tightly around Leonard's shoulder. 

“All right, sweetheart,” and then there was the business of lubing himself up and getting Pasha's ankles on his shoulders and squeezing the base of his own cock to stave off the inevitable orgasm for just a little while longer.

Pasha gasped when he was entered and Leonard kissed him on the cheek instead of on the mouth so that he wouldn't have to stop hearing those lovely sounds. He fucked Pasha with steady thrusts, telling him he'd been thinking about this all night, how no one else would ever get this from him, that there was no one else that he wanted. 

It was, as always, insanely fucking hot. But it was also something else.

It was taking Leonard's most secret, private desires and bringing them up into the light in a way that left them both unscathed. 

Leonard had been in a low-intensity state of arousal for over eight hours so there was no point in dragging it out. He knew which angle caused maximum pressure on Pasha's sensitive prostate and aimed for it with a surgeon's precision. A minute later, it was all over, but that was okay. There would be more nights like this and many more that were nothing like this. 

When his cock had shrunk enough that it slipped out on its own, he rolled them over so that they were still pressed together, still face to face. 

“It's not painful,” Pasha said sleepily when Leonard couldn't keep himself from inspecting the sunburns. “My muscles hurt worse.”

“You know what's painful? Malignant Melanoma,” Leonard grumbled but his heart was to full for him to get truly angry. “Tell me you had a good time at least.”

“Yes, very good. Hikaru's mother is a bad cook, but very nice. Kayaking is much more difficult than I had imagined. This is why I am so sore.”

Almost automatically, Leonard's hand went to Pasha's shoulder to investigate, but his hand was grabbed and kissed before he had a chance to. 

“You may give me a massage tomorrow. A hard one,” Pasha said seductively and traced the outline of Leonard's hand, pausing on the fourth finger. “I took mine off too.”

“It's in my jacket. Don't worry, everyone knows I'm taken.”

Pasha nodded and chewed on his lip. “Leo, Ben told me something interesting today.”

The last thing Leonard wanted to do right now was talking about other people, but something about Pasha's expression told him he should pay attention. “Yeah?”

“Well, Ben's sister has a friend who said she wonders about me... about us. You are very famous, as you know.” 

Oh boy, this wasn't going anywhere good. 

Pasha's brows were furrowed like he was trying to solve a particularly complicated equation. “She says if I'm married to you I must be an… an insatiable pain slut?” He frowned a little like he was unsure if he'd used the correct terminology.

“Get me the name of that woman, I'll...”

“No, no,” Pasha said firmly. “Is okay, I don't... I actually kind of like it.”

“Like it? Sweetheart, no one's got any business making up things about you.” If people were gossiping about Leonard that was one thing, but Pasha was no part of this and Leonard wouldn't stand for it. 

“I know, I know. But... she said I must be badass to be able to keep up with you.” Pasha's face broke out in a grin and he ran his hand down Leonard's wrist. “I want people to think I am badass, Leo.” 

Leonard would have laughed if he wasn't so overcome with exhaustion. “Pretty sure people think that already. Come on, saved your home planet before your eighteenth birthday? That's pretty badass if you ask me.”

“By using _math_ ,” Pasha said with a pout that gave way to a pleading expression. “Please, you don't have to talk to anyone. I just thought you should know.” 

Leonard didn't really understand where Pasha was coming from, but he didn't have to understand it to respect it. “You let me know if you change your mind, all right?” 

“I promise. Do you want to sleep now?”

What Leonard wanted was to stay in this bubble of satiation and contentment for at least a few hours, but there was no denying that he was wrung out. 

They got under the covers and turned down the lights until Leonard had to use his hands to find his husband's face. 

“People already wonder how you put up with me. You know that, right?” 

”Putting up with you is so easy,” Pasha said sleepily. “I could teach a class.” 

'Easy' wasn't the word Leonard would use to describe their lives. Somehow there was always disaster looming around the corner and they never had as much time together as they wanted. And yeah, there were fights, but at least he was having them this time around instead of sticking his neck in the sand and letting things fester.

None of it was easy, but it was right. 

In another week, the overhaul of the Enterprise-A would be finished and the crew that was currently enjoying leave on Earth would return to it. In the past, this would have given him anxiety, but now he was content to go wherever Pasha went. 

Whether in their cramped quarters on the Enterprise, in his mother's house with Joanna down the hall, or here, in godforsaken San Fransisco, where the paper pushers and bright-eyed cadets shared living space with the artisans and his fellow perverts; as long as Pasha was with him, he was at home.

At the age of forty-two, Leonard McCoy was exactly where he wanted to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a lot of fun with the references in this story:
> 
> 'Lule' is the town where I grew up.  
> 'Dufva' means pigeon.  
> 'Snippa' is the Swedish word for pussy.  
> 'Enveloping sex' is a feminist term for intercourse.
> 
> This is my first major Star Trek-story and I wrote it without a partner or beta. 
> 
> If there were things you enjoyed or things that you did not enjoy - please tell me.  
> I can only improve as a writer if I know what I am doing wrong.
> 
> Thank you for reading! <3


End file.
